Trauma Healed By Love
by Astrea Von Hurston
Summary: Hermione is lost in her own world of trauma and grief. Adding to the fact that her friends now hate her. Who will come to her rescue when she is in too deep? This is just me, grieving and wishing. Chapter 12 FINALLY up!
1. Chapter I

[A/N: This fanfiction is crazy, I must admit. I also have to say that I bet you can never guess who Hermione ends up with. Who heals her with love, eh? Well, you might be able to guess, but I stiill won't say anything!]  
  
[Disclaimer: Not mine]  
  
Chapter I  
  
Silence had filled the house. Hermione eyes flickered open as she awoke. She leaned forward in bed and looked around, her room was pitch black.  
  
It was silent. She sucked in a breath of the cool night air, then let it out. Suddenly what sounded like the front door opened, then was slammed shut. Screams of anger and hatred pierced the silence, and Hermione sat fully up in bed.  
  
The screams turned to pleads as the other ones turned to colder hatred. Hermione shivered, she hated this, she hated the screams. Tears made their way down her cheeks, she couldn't take the fights. They were so loud and painful to hear. How could two people who were in love so much suddenly hate each other? An ear shattering scream broke into her thoughts.  
  
Hermione bolted out of bed as the silence overcame the house once again. Her breathing grew ragged and harsh. Something had happened, something had happened.  
  
Then it hit her. Dear God something had fucking happened! She raced out of her room, not caring that she had possibly fractured something as she hit against the stair banister. Only panicked thoughts were upon her.  
  
"Oh my God, oh my God," she kept repeating to herself.  
  
Then as she turned into the kitchen she saw something that would traumatize the young teenager.  
  
Her mother lied on the floor, beheaded. Her father was standing by the sink, covered in blood and breathing heavily also.  
  
"Mum!" Hermione screamed and flung herself on her mother.  
  
"What did I do?" her father whispered, Hermione looked up and saw her father crying for the first time, his eyes looked so hollow yet fearful.  
  
Her father had murdered her mother.  
  
"I am so sorry Hermione. I love you," he whispered and with that, he lifted the gun he had been holding and smiled at her in his tears. He then did the worst possible thing ever. He killed himself.  
  
Hermione screamed and ran to her father, he couldn't die! How could he leave her like this! Her mother was dead! She hugged his lifeless body and sobbed, this was the end of her life. She couldn't take it. What was she to do?  
  
The gun was still by her father, she could be with her parents again! She reached for it, but was interrupted by a pop in the kitchen. She lifted her bloody face (covered in her father and mother's blood) and stared at Albus Dumbledore.  
  
"They're gone," she choked out, and stared at the body of her father.  
  
"I am afraid so," he replied, and lowered his head.  
  
"H-h-how did you know?" she asked, her voice weak and trembling.  
  
"I have my ways, Miss Granger. I am going to have to take you to Hogwarts with me," he walked forward to her and held out a small feathered hat. A portkey.  
  
"I can't go," she whispered, tears stinging her chestnut eyes.  
  
She looked at her mother and took in a shaky breath, then turned back to Dumbledore.  
  
"I am afraid you must. We cannot have you stay here, you must come to Hogwarts with me. Please, grab the portkey," Dumbledore's eyes showed signs of unshed tears.  
  
"Yes, sir," she replied, and whimpered as she looked around before grabbing the portkey.  
  
A few seconds later she was taken away from her mother and father. The only people who had made her life worth living. The only people who understood her. The only people who truly loved her. 


	2. Chapter II

[A/N: Need more reviews, ha. My friend got mad at me because she thought the story was too sad I told her to look at the title, then hung up. Hehe. Okay, new cchaapter, I'll take a while sense I''m working on Chapter 4 heh]  
  
[Disclaimer: Not mine]  
  
[Thank you's- Tega: Now you know what is happening so far. :D Elizabeth-Kat: Thanks, jolly good!]  
  
Chapter II  
  
As soon as Hermione had arrived at the Hogwarts entraance she had fallen to the ground crying, her clothes and face covered in large amounts of blood. Dumbledore had leaned over and picked her up with surprising strength, he had then carried her to the Hospital Wing and laid her in one of the beds.  
  
"I think she will need a dreamless sleeping potion, Poppy," Dumbledore said, nodding to the medi-witch.  
  
She nodded in return and took out a small bottle. After forcing the liquid into the young girl's mouth, she turned to Dumbledore.  
  
The old Headmaster looked weary.  
  
"In all my time at Hogwarts, I have never known for an event to occur like this," he said sadly.  
  
"Should we wipe her memory?" the medi-witch asked.  
  
"No, life will only be confusing to her. She will have to learn to live on, unfortunately haunted by this strong trauma," Dumbledore looked at the girl again.  
  
"I don't think it would be good for her to be Head Girl this year, but I will make it her decision. I am afraid that she will try to go with the pressure. Poppy, stay with the young girl, I will need to discuss her new living arrangements for the rest of the holidays with the staff," Dumbledore left, and Madam Promfrey turned sad eyes to Hermione.  
  
No girl at her age deserved to suffer like this.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
At first Hermione was surprised to find herself in the Hospital Wing at school. And not at home with her parents.  
  
"Mum?" she asked the empty infirmary.  
  
Then reality hit her. Hard. They were gone. Gone. Why did it seem so hard to admit it? Why could she not cry? Her parents were dead. But that didn't seem enough.  
  
"My parents are-" she paused. She couldn't say the words, it was as if a pillow had been pressed in her face, suffocating her every time she tried to say it.  
  
"No," she whispered shaking her head fast.  
  
It wasn't true. It wasn't true. She would wake up, her parents would be at her bedside smiling at her. Just like yesterday morning. Why couldn't she wake up? What was wrong with her?  
  
She slammed her head back into the pillow and let out a few small whimpers.  
  
Suddenly, Severus Snape entered the Hospital Wing, unaware that the girl occupying the room was awake. She saw him cross to the Madam Promfrey's office and knock, then look around. His eyes widened as he saw that she was awake.  
  
"Yes, Professor Snape?" Promfrey asked.  
  
He turned back to Madam Promfrey.  
  
"I have the potions ready in my office, would you like me to bring them?" he tried to ignore the crying girl behind him, obviously uncomfortable.  
  
"Yes, go ahead, I need to tend to Miss Granger," Snape nodded and left, Madam Promfrey walked over to Hermione.  
  
"How are you feeling?" she asked the trembling girl quietly.  
  
"I-I feel sort of better, I guess," she replied, her eyes focused on the ceiling.  
  
"Your going to have to clean up, I am some extra clothes for you," she held out a small pile of muggle clothing, Hermione took it and nodded.  
  
As she reached the doorknob to the lavatory, she turned to Madam Promfrey.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered, more tears running freely down her face, then she exited the room before the medi-witch could reply.  
  
The bathroom of the infirmary was cold and eerily quiet. The only sounds were the drips of water from the sink. Hermione drew in another shaky breath, slowly removed her bloody clothes, and turned the shower on. As the water cascaded down her body, she closed her eyes, taking it all in.  
  
Suddenly the event of last night came back in a flash. Her mother, her father, the blood... She screamed as loud as she could, trying to get rid of the horrible memories.  
  
Tears filled her eyes and threatened to fall. Was this going to happen all the time? Every time she closed her eyes or didn't focus on something enough?  
  
"Miss Granger, I hope you slept well?" Dumbledore said, as she entered the room.  
  
She hastily dried her tears and looked in the twinkling eyes of the headmaster.  
  
"Yes, sir," she answered, sitting down on her bed.  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you minded staying in the castle for the rest of the holidays," he said, looking around the room in mild interest.  
  
"I would love to. Err- thank you," Hermione croaked.  
  
"Good, I have a dormitory for you to stay in for this time. But are you sure you do not want to stay with the Weasley's maybe?" he looked down at her in concern.  
  
Hermione thought a moment, she doubted that she was ready to face all those people. It would be too much.  
  
"No, sir."  
  
"I have one more question, but I want you to think this over."  
  
Hermione nodded, growing cautious.  
  
"Now, you are a very, very likely candidate for the position of Head Girl. But, after recent events I was not sure if you would be able to handle the position," Dumbledore sighed.  
  
Hermione closed her eyes. This is what she had been dreaming for, this was her goal. But how could she do this? After that night, how could anyone do this?  
  
Hermione slowly shook her head, "No, I don't think I can be Head Girl."  
  
"Okay, your things are in the dormitory, I'll show you there."  
  
Dumbledore stood up, and Hermione reluctantly followed him. They exited the infirmary, down the stairs, all the way to the entrance to the Great Hall, up the stairs toward Gryffindor tower, a right halfway through, down two corridors, a left, and soon they were in front of a normal door. It looked like a broom closet.  
  
"The password is: 'Cockroach Clusters'. A favorite of mine," Dumbledore added, acknowledging her questioning look.  
  
The door clicked as if being unlocked and Dumbledore reached forward and opened the door.  
  
"The door cannot be opened by spells or that little key Mister Potter has. Only the password, no one knows about this room."  
  
Hermione stared at the room, it was wonderful. She had her own common room, and (Dumbledore pointed it out to her) an upstairs bedroom connected to a bathroom. The room was tall and circular painted with a silver ceiling and gold walls. The carpeting was colored silver like the ceiling and the furniture was all black. Straight across from the door was a large fireplace holding a fire which that crackled happily.  
  
Hermione nodded, then looked up at the Headmaster.  
  
"You will stay here, you are allowed to wander the castle and later Professor McGonagall will take you to get your school supplies. You are welcome to walk around the grounds but be careful, and you are also allowed full use of the library. Most of the staff is staying here, so good luck," he smiled at her then left.  
  
Taking in another deep sigh Hermione walked over to the couch and laid down on it. She looked out the large windows and saw that the sky was a light blue and scattered with white fluffy clouds. It was August first, so about now everyone would be receiving their letters from Hogwarts. Traditions were over for her, all over. This was how the rest of the summer would be, her thinking of what she could be doing that day with her parents.  
  
She leaned back into the soft black pillows on the couch and decided to rest her eyes.  
  
She heard the screams, her mother's screams. She sat bolt right up on the couch and cursed the memories. How would she sleep?  
  
"I'll just ask Madam Promfrey for a dreamless sleeping potion every night," Hermione said, trying to comfort herself.  
  
After a few minutes of calm breathing Hermione looked up the stairs and saw a mahogany door with a brass handle. Brushing aside the pillow that had been laying on her lap, she got up and walked up the stairs to her dormitory. When she reached the top, she noticed it was like a small balcony, the banister was a black steel with beautiful designs on it.  
  
She reached over to the brass doorknob and opened it to find another beautiful room, but that was how Hogwarts was, always showing off.  
  
The room was a deep maroon, the walls, the floors, the hangings on the four-poster bed. The only different colors were the gold covers and pillows on the bed. Anything in the room that was wood, was a dark mahogany wood and made the room look very rich.  
  
All her things were put away, and the room was perfectly tidy.  
  
After hours of reading, Hermione soon found that the originally light blue sky was now a fading purple, indicating that the sun was setting.  
  
She did not know how she would be able to go on in the summer stuck in the castle. But, knowing she had other things to tend to (especially with the fact that she didn't want to think about recent events) she got up from the sofa in her private common room and exited through the old door.  
  
Soon Hermione was back in bed and about to take some of her potion, the medi-witch had promised her a never ending supply of it so she wasn't haunted at night. She sat up in bed and took one large swig of the potion before falling back into her pillow, and falling into a deep sleep.  
  
[A/N: More reviews! That was a little drastic....] 


	3. Chapter III

Chapter III  
  
Hermione's heart stayed broken as the summer passed, locking herself away in the privacy of her common room and only coming out for the potion or to go to Diagon Alley with Professor McGonagall. She had the chance to find out the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was none other than a famous vampire hunter. Professor Von, was his name, Hermione had only had a small conversation with him.  
  
She had asked that she her food was delivered to her private common room, and Dobby had eagerly volunteered for the job. Now it was the end of August and the day before term was to start.  
  
Hermione had thought a bit and remembered that maybe her life would be worth living still. After all, she had Ron, Harry, and Ginny. So, maybe she'll have time to feel better with the comfort of her friends.  
  
Now, it was five o'clock in the afternoon and Hermione was calmly reading, her straight hair being of no problems.  
  
About her straight hair, well, she had been in the library reading and her bushy hair had kept falling in her face obscuring her vision, this had been the final straw. She had then stormed to the section to appearance altering spells and found something that she was amazed that she hadn't found before.  
  
A knock came from the common room entrance and Hermione set her book aside as she walked over toward the sound. Opening the door, she was greeted by the serious yet pleasant face of Dumbledore.  
  
"I have some things to tell you before the term starts. Just a few precautions," he added.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
Hermione had always tried to stay calm around the old Headmaster, she didn't want to get angry at him like Harry had, she just took it out on the common room. Which, by the next morning, looked absolutely perfect.  
  
"First, we will not tell anyone about what has happened. Because by the next day the school with it's maginificent records will have come up with something completely different, which could end up in bad endings. Second, I wish that you hold back from telling your friends, but I am pretty sure your not ready as well. (Hermione nodded at this) Third, all you have to do is walk to the Great Hall at about the time that the school usually enters, we don't want you to attract too much attention," he smiled at her as he said the last thing.  
  
"Yes, sir." Hermione looked around.  
  
"I understand that you are still having a hard time, so I will leave. Good night Miss Granger and see you tomorrow," Dumbledore left the room.  
  
Was it just her, or did she suddenly want to puke? No, she wanted to puke. Hermione rushed to the bathroom. Hoping that would calm her nerves.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Hermione had a tad bit of problems getting ready, especially because it was at the last minute. She had been so caught up in her book that she had forgotten about a lot of things. It did her good, yet caused her trouble.  
  
She only had twenty minutes left and she was still trying to get her robes on. Finally, she was finished. Just as she was about to open the door, she heard a sharp knock come from it.  
  
Hermione opened the door and Professor McGonagall was standing outside.  
  
"Are you ready Miss Granger, I have to go meet with the first years," Professor McGonagall looked down at her over her glasses.  
  
At her words Hermione felt the urge to puke again, but pushed that away.  
  
"Yes, I'm ready," Hermione replied and followed her Head of House out to the Great Hall that was slowly filling up.  
  
She ran to the entrance to wait for her friends. Maybe, just maybe, after they arrived she would be happy again. Not lonely and sad, happy. She smiled at the pleasant thought as she saw Ron, Harry, and Ginny coming up the lawn.  
  
Hermione noticed that Lavender Brown was clinging to Ron's arm in an attention-seeking manner, and Ginny was doing the same to Harry.  
  
"Hi," Hermione said, as they neared her.  
  
Then they suddenly glared at her. What was going on?  
  
"Err- are you guys okay?" Hermione asked cautiously. Luckily her mind was focused on the hatred in their glares, she had to make sure her mind was always focused nowadays.  
  
"We heard what you did," Ron spat, looking at her with utter disgust.  
  
Was he talking about how she had stayed at Hogwarts? They hadn't owled her...  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"Malfoy told us everything," Ginny snapped, Hermione was starting to grow scared.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Hermione was growing more confused.  
  
"Don't play stupid you slut!" Lavendar cried, obviously faking disappointment.  
  
"You shagged Malfoy! Last year! he told us on the train! You traitor!" Ron said, his ears burning red, which was not a good sign.  
  
Harry stayed silent, just looking at Hermione with hatred and sadness. Like she had done something wrong.  
  
"I did not! How could you say such a horrid thing?" Hermione gasped.  
  
No, no, no, she was breathing heavily and her thoughts traveled back to the kitchen. No!  
  
Suddenly the Slytherins came by, Draco Malfoy leading. He was smirking.  
  
"Hey Granger, told your friends everything, don't be mad. Oh, and sorry, I just don't like you anymore," he drawled.  
  
The Slytherins pushed past her, knocking her askew. Then her "friends" did the same, not forgetting to glare.  
  
It had happened, it happened. Hermione suddenly felt so lonely, the people she needed the most in comfort and care had left her. Left her to bleed internally. Her heart was broken.  
  
Hermione sat down in a secluded spot, as the sorting began, new people were added to the houses, and McGonagall soon sat down beside Dumbledore. Dumbledore turned to her.  
  
"Minerva, I fear the worst has happened," his eyes had lost their twinkle.  
  
"You don't mean? Potter and his friends have left Hermione?" McGonagall's voice was slightly high-pitched.  
  
"Yes, and at the worst time. I had no idea that she was now going to be this alone. She has now lost the people that had comforted her in the worst of times, and now that things have gotten worse for the poor girl, she is lonely." Dumbledore looked down.  
  
"Can't we do something? Talk to Potter and his friends? Or tell them what has happened?" McGonagall asked, her voice panicked.  
  
"It is not wise to meddle with the friendship's of teenagers. And Miss Granger is not ready to inform anyone about what happened. I doubt she would have told me if I had not found her," Dumbledore replied.  
  
"Well, it is time to make the speech," McGonagall said slowly, and with a shaky hand, tapped her glass to get the school's attention.  
  
Hermione looked up to watch, she was sitting at the end of the table seperated from the Gryffindors, who were now all glaring at her. Word, at Hogwarts, traveled fast.  
  
"Well, now that the sorting is over, and we now have fresh empty stomachs to be filled, I believe it is time to eat!" Dumbledore announced, Hermione noticed that his smile did not reach his eyes this time.  
  
Everyone soon began eating and talking, sending hateful glares at Hermione every chance they got. Had she been looking forward to this? She could have gotten over that one horrible night, but now that everyone hated her as well was something that tore her heart in two. She felt a pain beyond all pain believable.  
  
Soon, the desserts cleared, and everyone looked up to Dumbledore patiently. He began his speech, but Hermione barely listened, she looked around the table. Ron was snogging Lavendar (which was not something Hermione knew Ron did), Parvati was flirting with every boy she could, and Hermione noticed one other thing, everytime Lavendar broke away from Ron a few seconds she would smirk at Hermione.  
  
Harry was sitting beside Ginny, but because she was facing forward and he was too, he was actually behind her. Harry had his arms around Ginny's waist and they were speaking in hushed voices, glancing at Hermione every once in a while.  
  
"-And as our Head Boy and Girl, I give you Ronald Weasley and Susan Bones!" Dumbledore finished as everyone clapped.  
  
All the Gryffindors turned to the sad Hermione to smirk and raise eyebrows in mock question. Hermione felt a twang of regret over resigning from the position but shrugged the feeling off.  
  
Soon, Dumbledore dismissed the students and Hermione got up to go on with Prefect duties.  
  
"First years, follow me," Hermione tried to call, but her voice was hoarse.  
  
Ron walked over and called, "First years! This way!"  
  
They followed him and sent questioning looks at Hermione.  
  
The Great Hall soon emptied out, Professor McGonagall walked over to Hermione.  
  
"I'll stay in my Gryffindor dormitory, it's okay," she said, and the professor nodded.  
  
She walked up the long stairs to Gryffindor tower and when she reached the portrait she saw Ginny and Lavendar standing there, apparently waiting for someone.  
  
"Oh, we knew you'd come over here." Lavendar sneered.  
  
"We just wanted to tell you that traitors aren't allowed," Ginny added.  
  
Hermione tried to walk forward, but they pushed her back.  
  
"Didn't you hear us? You dumb muggle-born, your not allowed," Lavendar said, quirking an eyebrow.  
  
"Fine," Hermione said and turned back to walk down the stairs.  
  
She walked to her old dormitory and reached for the door handle.  
  
"Staying in a broom closet now, are we?" a voice drawled.  
  
Hermione Granger had never known that the night could have gotten any worse.  
  
"Yes, I am, please, leave me alone," Hermione's tone was a plead.  
  
"Why would I want to after our little one night-stand?" Draco asked, striding over.  
  
"Please! Please Malfoy! Just leave me the hell alone for once!" Hermione yelled, tears finally falling down her face.  
  
"Why?" Draco asked, finally in front of her.  
  
"Do we have a problem, Mister Malfoy?" Professor Snape asked, striding over, his robes billowing behind him.  
  
"No, sir," Draco answered, taking a step away from Hermione.  
  
Snape noticed that she was standing outside her substitute living space during the summer.  
  
"Mister Malfoy, I need to speak to Miss Granger alone," Professor Snape said.  
  
Draco smirked at Hermione from behind Snape's back, then left.  
  
"Miss Granger, why are you here? You should be at Gryffindor tower," Professor Snape said.  
  
"Please, sir, they kicked me out. I needed a place to stay," Hermione replied, tears still running free.  
  
"I will talk to your Head of House this morning, but I will allow you to stay here tonight," Snape walked away.  
  
"Thank you," Hermione whispered and quickly said the password before entering.  
  
Hermione's piercing screams filled the room, as she awoke. She had seen them again, the moments just replaying in her mind. Over and over until she couldn't take it anymore.  
  
She had forgotten to retrieve her potion that night, and she now did not know what to do. Sleep was definitely not an option. Hermione got out of bed and sat on top of the covers looking around the room.  
  
The curtains on her window ruffled from the wind, and the air soon reached her bare face. It was really cold, Hermione stood up and closed the window then went back to her bed. What could someone possibly do at this time of night?  
  
She pulled her legs up so that they were against her chest and she rested her head on her knees, she was in what seemed to be a fetal position. There was now and forever absolutely no point in living, she didn't have the friends, she didn't have the parents, she practically had nothing.  
  
Hermione Granger had lost the will to live. 


	4. Chapter IV

[A/N: My friend said the same thing about them not believing Malfoy, so I did a few things in this chapter answering that question]  
  
Chapter IV  
  
Hermione stayed awake the whole night, sitting up in a fetal position allowing the silent tears to run down her cheeks.  
  
As sunlight crept into her room and the alarm clock rang, she quietly got out of bed and dressed in her uniform, then brushed her slightly tangled hair. She looked in the mirror and saw that her eyes were red and puffy, and there were noticeable bags beneath them.  
  
She left her bookbag in the common room, she would be getting it before classes, and walked to the entrance. Hermione cautiously looked out, when she saw that the coast was clear she crept out of the secret common room and headed down to the Great Hall.  
  
As Hermione headed down, she was followed by whispers and pointing, some giggling from girls too. She soon entered the Great Hall and sat in her same secluded spot, feeling tired and weak. The hall had seemed to hush during her entrance and all eyes were upon her.  
  
The rumours had not seemed to travel as fast as the record, but it was still fast. She felt someone poke her in the back, silently asking her to turn around. She did and found Malfoy standing in front of her, Ron and Harry standing nearby, hoping to hear.  
  
She closed her eyes, hoping everyone would just disappear, but by doing that the vision from the fatal night was brought into her view, she quickly opened her eyes.  
  
"Are you really staying in a broom closet now, Granger?" Malfoy sneered, sounding absolutely happy.  
  
"Leave me alone," she replied, turning back to her empty plate.  
  
"You didn't seem to say that last year, as I remember. But I also remember having to scrub myself to get your mudblood-ness off me," he added, as an after thought.  
  
To Hermione's horror, the whole hall erupted with laughter. She looked at the teacher's table and saw it empty. She was alone, no one standing up for her when she felt so weak. She looked down to hide the tears, and suddenly, she just felt... Numb.  
  
Out of nowhere, nothing mattered at the moment (although she knew she would be crying later, it didn't matter now). Her parents were dead for Merlin's sake!  
  
"Shut up Malfoy!" she said, standing up, her eyes still holding the tears.  
  
"Oooh! Look at this!" Draco anounced in mock astonishment, everyone continued to laugh. She noticed that Harry and Ron were laughing also.  
  
How could they do this to her? How could they leave her to be tortured? She couldn't take it, she no longer felt numb, the pain was back. She pushed Draco and his friends away and stormed out of the Great Hall. Everyone continued to laugh at her retreating form until the doors slammed shut.  
  
Hermione's striding slowed down to a pace, she looked in her hand and saw that her crumpled schedule was there. She looked at it, and hung her head back and sighed deeply. She then looked back to the parchment to find that she had Double Advanced Potions with Slytherins. Luckily, at least Ron wasn't in that class, but Harry and Draco were.  
  
She soon entered her common room and flung herself onto the couch, exploding into a large amount of sobs. She wanted to be in her mother's comforting arms again, to be safe as her father embraced her.  
  
The sky had turned grey as dark clouds slowly covered the sky, Hermione looked away from the window. Soon, the bell rang announcing that students needed to head to class.  
  
The trip was the same as always, and soon she was seated in the back of the room by herself. She looked up when Snape entered the room, and the rest of the students scrambled into their seats. Hermione was still alone.  
  
"Today you will be concocting the Nocturnal Draught, enabling the drinker to be able to shift their sleeping habits," Snape began, taking all his students in with a venomous gaze. "The ingredients and instructions are on the board. Begin!"  
  
Everyone moved around to get quills and parchment, Hermione did this all very slowly. In a few minutes, she had started her potion and was adding the third ingredient, cautiously reading her notes.  
  
"Mudblood," someone hissed at her as they passed by.  
  
Hermione tried to focus, she couldn't let anyone get under her skin. Finally, she finished her potion and bottled it, walking to the front of the room she set it in front of Snape. Then, without another word, she headed back to her seat.  
  
"Miss Granger," Snape said, and she froze.  
  
"Yes, sir," she replied, trembling harshly. She heard a few sniggers from behind her.  
  
"Come here," he answered, and she slowly walked forward.  
  
He got up and leaned over the desk, so that no one could hear.  
  
"Professor McGonagall says that you are welcome to stay in the private chambers for the time being. Understood?" he said, she nodded and headed back to her seat.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Thankfully, classes were over in a matter of time, Hermione headed back to her common room and was about to say the password when she heard a cough.  
  
She turned around and saw Ron, standing there and glaring at her.  
  
"So it's true," he said, raising an eyebrow to the girl.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"Your living in a broom closet now. Or maybe, your just going in there to go on with your slutty lifestyle," Ron smirked, she felt like she was going to crumble.  
  
"Why are you doing this to me?" Hermione asked, her voice not much higher than a whisper.  
  
"Because your a bloody traitor and tramp," he replied, and turned to leave.  
  
"Wait!" Hermione called, hoping there would be someone to understand.  
  
"What?!" he snarled, turning back to her.  
  
"My parents are-are-" she couldn't say it. It was too hard.  
  
"Muggles? Yeah, we all know your a flithy and stupid mudblood," Ron replied and turned back to leave.  
  
She took in a deep breath, begging herself to not cry, not in the corridor. But she leaned against the wall, slid down, and went back into her fetal position. The tears were back once again.  
  
Hermione stayed in that hall, she was passed by, but ignored. The bell rang indicating dinner, but she ignored it. Hermione stood up and quickly entered her common room.  
  
No one cared for her, she was alone, alone in the terrible world she had called her own.  
  
She lunged to the couch, in her own heap of sorrow and defeat. The year was to be long and terrible. How much more could she take before she cracked? A knock came to her door, she lazily got up and opened it. Outside was Dumbledore, his eyes looked down at her in sorrow, not pity.  
  
"Miss Granger, is there something you would like to tell me?" he asked.  
  
Of course there was! She wanted to die! She hated living in this cold and cruel world.  
  
"No, sir," Hermione looked at her feet, noting the way she had laced up her boots and very specific details.  
  
"Miss Granger, I know what has happened, and I would like to know if there is anything you would like," Dumbledore replied.  
  
"What about not attending classes and never having to see my fellow peers again?" Hermione laughed a cold and dry laugh, it did not reach her eyes.  
  
"That is possible."  
  
Hermione quickly looked up at him questioningly, ignoring the tear stains on her cheeks.  
  
"It's okay, sir. I feel it better to face one's problems than to run away from them."  
  
"If that is how you feel, then I respect your decision. Your wisdom reaches beyond your years, I hope that you are aware of that," he gave her one last nod and left.  
  
Hermione felt a tug on her heart as she saw Harry passing by. Would he ignore her also? Harry glanced at her, but quickly looked away as he shook his head. Hermione couldn't take this, she ran to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. She turned him around forced him to look in her eyes.  
  
"Why did you believe Malfoy? Why don't you believe me? I have been your best friend since first year! He's been trying to break our friendship for the same amount of years also! How can you believe such a thing?!" she screamed, tears swelling in her questioning eyes.  
  
Harry looked at her and sighed, then brushed her hands from his shoulders. "Because me and Ron were never your best friends in the first place."  
  
He then walked away from her. But he had to be lying, they had been so close, maybe he was in denial. It was a possibililty. Hermione couldn't feel her legs anymore, they felt like jelly. The people who were closest to her had given up on her. Her parents had left her alone, and now her best friends loathed her with a passion.  
  
Hermione felt sick, she quickly ran back to her door, opened it and ran upstairs to her bathroom. She needed to puke, this was too much.  
  
She rested her head on the toilet seat, as the sickness had made her very weak, Hermione lifted her head and stared at herself in the floor-to- ceiling mirror. She looked terrible, her hair was wet and messy, and she had large bag under her eyes.  
  
Wiping away the offending matter on her face, Hermione quickly went back to her bedroom. She let the pillow muffle her screams of sadness. Then she fell asleep exhausted, finally having her own dreamless sleep.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
The next day proved to be a challenge, people were now openly talking behind her back, and she kept receiving pitying looks from the staff, they were the only ones who were aware of her predicament.  
  
Transfiguration was different for the students, because Hermione stayed silent, and never raised her hand. She would just keep her head low and scribble down notes. Oblivious to what was really going on, they all just assumed that she was probably grieving over Malfoy's break up with her.  
  
Malfoy was now currently dating Pansy Parkinson, even though this was highly expected.  
  
Professor McGonagall, who had been keeping an eye on the sad student, tutted in worry as the class ended. Hermione slowly got up and headed for the door when she was suddenly surrounded. McGonagall, didn't notice until she heard a clunk on wood. Hermione was now lying on her classroom floor, unconcious.  
  
As the woman rushed Hermione to the Hospital Wing, the nearest adult, Remus Lupin (who had currently been visiting for the Order, and had been passing by the classroom) carrying her in the rush.  
  
Students stopped to look and point, some cruel enough managed to snigger, and Remus Lupin would send them a warning look. No one had ever seen him look this worried and angry. Remus gently laid Hermione in the bed, and Madam Promfrey quickly came out.  
  
Taking one look at the girl, she rushed over even faster, and checked the girl's pulse.  
  
"Unbelieveable, students ganging up on someone weaker and less able to fight back. Truly unbelieveable, but my gods! What the girl has been through!" the nurse exclaimed dramatically and shook her head sadly, Remus looked at her in question from his stance at the foot of her bed, McGonagall beside him.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked, looking at his ex-student.  
  
"Did you not hear? The girl has been traumatized since it happened, having to take sleeping potions every night!" Madam Promfrey, began to heal the heavily bleeding wound on Hermione's head.  
  
"What happened, no one has told me, not even Harry."  
  
"Mister Potter does not know, seeing as how she is still having a hard time. Plus the fact that he and Mister Weasley have left her to grieve alone. The poor girl is hated by everyone," Madam Promfrey tutted, as she put a bandage on Hermione's head.  
  
"Your kidding! Why hasn't anyone told them?"  
  
"Because if she isn't ready, then they don't need to hear it yet. Albus knows that they will bombard her with questions once word gets out," Madam Promfrey tutted again and took a seat by Hermione's bed.  
  
"I can't believe this," Remus shook his head.  
  
"Miss Granger had awoken to her parents fighting, and then the she enters the kitchen to see her own mother beheaded, by her father! He, then, kills himself in shame, which, can only make the event worse. Luckily, Albus found her in time, she was about to take her own life. Hermione has indeed suffered the most traumatizing event for a teenager. She is now loathed by her peers and is having a horrible time, I cannot think of what this will come to."  
  
Remus stood there in shock, McGonagall was now quietly crying.  
  
Silence filled the infirmary, then soon Hermione came back to conciousness. She sat up in bed and looked around wearily.  
  
"Hey Hermione," Remus greeted her, and smiled.  
  
She looked at him, her eyes were tired and bloodshot. She looked very pale, she gave a small smile, yet it did not reach her eyes.  
  
"Hello," she replied and rubbed the spot where her wound was.  
  
"I must be going, Dumbledore still probably wants to see me about the Order. Minerva, Madam Promfrey, Hermione," he gave them all a nod and left the room.  
  
As Remus headed to the Headmaster's office, he saw Ron, Harry, Lavendar Brown (whom he remembered from his temporary staff position), and Ginny all speaking quietly. Remus suddenly felt an anger towards Harry, like the time when he had actually blamed Harry for Sirius' death, but they had quickly made up.  
  
Yet now it was different, Harry was hurting an already broken girl. He made sure to ignore the four as he passed by, yet no avail.  
  
"Professor! I mean Remus! Over here!" Harry called to him, wearing a happy smile. This made Remus want to shake his head a few times in denial.  
  
Remus stared at the teenager a few minutes, trying his best to not imagine the great kid to be that horrible person.  
  
"Remus?" Ron asked.  
  
Remus shook his head once more, and answered, "Yes?"  
  
"Hey! I haven't seen you for a long time," Harry exclaimed, Remus just stood there, now looking at the two girls. They had been apart of the group that had left the classroom, where he and McGonagall found Hermione.  
  
"Yes," Remus nodded.  
  
"Are you okay?" Harry asked, the rest of them looked at him quizzically.  
  
"Yes, just worried," Remus replied, then left before they could question him more.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Hermione took a sip from the potion and set it down on the table beside the hospital bed. She was forced to stay in the Hospital Wing over night, but she was surprisingly grateful.  
  
It felt weird, not having visitors, because in her past years she always had people checking on her. Now, she was alone. The infirmary was empty, except for the sleeping patients beside her. The night was silent, and Hermione gulped down the rest of the potion before falling asleep.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Hermione sat up in bed, and looked around her, it was still quiet. Looking at the clock beside her, she saw that it was four in the morning. Hermione got out of the bed, and shivered at how cold the stones on the floor were. She took a quick breath, then began to pacing the infirmary and thinking.  
  
First her parents die brutally, then she is left by her friends, then she is attacked by peers and classmates. Life, obviously, wanted nothing to do with her now. She should have never been reluctant about killing herself with the gun. Had she known about what would happen later in her hopeless life.  
  
Hermione cursed silently to herself, then shook her head. Life would never be perfect, she had had the grades, the friends, the parents, the love. Now that was all gone, she knew for sure her grades would fall.  
  
She sat down on the rumpled sheets of the bed, and stared out the nearest window. The heavy breathing of the person behind her went unnoticed. All that mattered at the moment is that she would feel pain. Feel pain like her parents had. She did not like the emotional pain, she felt that physical pain would hurt much less, and she would be able to control that.  
  
Hermione remembered the television shows where muggles cut themselves to relieve pain, and then they were sent to a counselor of some kind. She had pitied those people, being stupid enough to hurt themselves, and now she suddenly felt their pain.  
  
The light at the end of her tunnel had gone out, and it felt like an eternity until she would find the correct direction. Life was ending slowly. Hermione jumped as she heard the door creak open, and as light flooded the room. Hermione quickly climbed into bed and watched as Madam Promfrey entered the room and checked on the patient beside her. The medi- witch tutted, and muttered a few spells, then quickly left the room into her office.  
  
Hours passed, and before long Hermione was being ushered out of the Hospital Wing, and having a bag full of Dreamless Sleeping Draughts shoved into her hands. Madam Promfrey gave her one last smile, then closed the door in Hermione's face. She sighed and headed back to her dormitory to get ready for classes.  
  
Hermione trudged along the corridors, hearing people mutter profanities near her, and receiving glares from a few fellow Gryffindors.  
  
Ignoring the feeling of being unwanted, Hermione continued to walk through the halls. Pondering. Harry was definitely in denial, which was weird because he was never one to be, but Ron must have talked to him, convinced him that Malfoy was speaking the truth. Did years of love and loyalty go unnoticed? It hurt so bad that they did not believe a single word of what she had to say.  
  
"Watch it," someone stated as they purposely bumped into her.  
  
Hermione ignored them, and continued to walk until she reached the old wooden door. Taking a quick look around, she said the password ("Radio Player"), and entered the room. Feeling slightly stupid to having believed that she would be comforted in such a moment of crisis, she screamed and began to destroy the common room once again. Using her anger, grief, and jealousy of all that had smiles on their faces.  
  
She entered into the confines of her room, her breathing ragged and harsh, her hair ruffled, her eyes glinting with hate for herself. She glanced around the room, lowering her eyebrows in a maddening rush that had begun to control her mind. She grabbed a pocket knife that she had kept with herself for protection, in case the school was attacked and she didn't have her wand.  
  
"No more grief," she whispered, running the blade across her wrist in a graceful motion that was so beautiful, yet so hating.  
  
"No more fucking feelings," she whispered to herself, slicing her arm again.  
  
Crookshanks, who had been asleep on her bed, raised his eyes to her in concern.  
  
"Closer to death," she whispered, and slit her skin, before dropping the blade and letting a sickening and sad smile cross her lips. She smiled as tears suddenly began to run freely, yet unnoticed.  
  
[A/N: Please review and recommend this to your friends, I need some creative criticism.] 


	5. Chapter V

[A/N: I stopped writing my other story about the point of view of a beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! Gah! Just kidding, I'm thinking about posting some of my better stories on fanfiction... nah. Oh, and the pairing is still being decided, it's going to be a surprise! Oh well, I'm introducing it in this chapter anyway]  
  
Chapter V  
  
Weeks passed, Hermione continued to cut, her pain as strong is ever. Soon, the leaves of autumn began to fall, indicating the approach of the holidays. And Hermione was on the verge of getting pushed over the edge.  
  
Hermione passed through the halls, head high, and books clutched to her chest. Life seemed to not be giving her a break. A foot went out to trip her, causing her books and homework to go flying down the corridor, as she herself fell hard on the ground. Laughter rang in her ears, her fustration at a boiling point.  
  
Finally haulting in the empty corridor, where the entrance to her common room was, she dropped her books to the floor to open the door. She stopped, arm stretched out to reach the door knob, and turned her head slowly to the footsteps.  
  
Hermione's brain screamed at her to run before she lost it, but her feet were stuck. Draco sauntered through the hall, not noticing her at first, but as he turned his head, he smirked.  
  
"Well, well, well," he said, nonchalantly, leaning on the wall in front of her.  
  
'RUN!' her mind screamed.  
  
"Tell me, is that broom closet as roomy as your house?" Draco asked, his smirk as wide as ever.  
  
"Shut up," Hermione muttered under her breath.  
  
"How many muggle guys do you manage to sleep with at home?"  
  
"Shut up," Hermione repeated, voice slightly louder.  
  
"Muggles are always dumb and blind enough to do something like that."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Were your parents idiots too? Probably, for having you as a daughter. They'd probably kill themselves."  
  
Hermione felt her eye twitch, a nerve breaking, then causing a domino effect on her other nerves. She had never been so angry in her life.  
  
"Plus-"  
  
Hermione cut him off.  
  
"SHUT THE HELL UP! I AM SICK OF THIS! ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORONIC FILTH BAG?! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE GONE THROUGH! MY FUCKING PARENTS ARE DEAD!" she screamed, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
"THEY HAD A FUCKING FIGHT! MY MUM WAS BEHEADED BY MY FATHER! I SAW HER BODY! I SAW HER FUCKING HEAD! MY FATHER KILLED HIMSELF IN FUCKING SHAME! I WAS SENT TO THIS SCHOOL! I WAS HOPING, AN INCH OF HOPE, THAT MAYBE MY FRIENDS COULD COMFORT ME! BUT NO! THEY GO AND HATE ME BECAUSE OF YOUR TWISTED JOKES!" Tears were falling freely down her face.  
  
"What-"  
  
She cut him off again.  
  
"I WANT TO DIE! I HAVE NO HOPE! I HATE LIVING ON THIS SCREWED UP EARTH! I HATE BEING ATTACKED BY PEOPLE I USED TO CALL FRIENDS! I HATE THAT I HAD TO TURN DOWN THE POST OF HEAD GIRL! I HATE THAT RON AND HARRY HATE ME SO MUCH! I HATE THAT EVERYONE WANTS TO SCREW UP MY LIFE EVEN MORE!" Hermione fell to the floor, her body shaking with sobs.  
  
Draco kneeled down and wrapped an awkward arm around her, never having dealt with a girl in the middle of a nervous breakdown before. She moved away from him, crying harder.  
  
"I'm... er... I'm sorry," he stammered.  
  
"Don't pity me," she muttered, moving away from him once again.  
  
"I don't. I'm just sorry that I acted so cruel," he grabbed her forcefully and pulled her into a hug. She continued to cry in his chest as they sat outside her common room.  
  
Minutes went by, as they sat there undisturbed, and soon Hermione had calmed down. She slowly pulled away from him, face blemished with dried tears.  
  
"Gods, why didn't anyone know?" he asked, asking himself why he was being nice all of a sudden.  
  
"It was so hard to admit. I tried to tell Ron, but he just called me the M word," Hermione looked at her arms, noticed that the sleeves were up and revealing the cuts, she hastily pulled the sleeves back down.  
  
"Does anyone else know?"  
  
"The staff, because Dumbledore told them. He was the one that found me. Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden?" she scooted away from him, and was about to get back up when he grabbed her forearms, and pulled her back down in sitting position. Hermione winced in pain.  
  
"I have no idea," he whispered, looking at her in a different way. "I'm asking myself the same thing."  
  
Hermione nodded, and stood up again, reaching for the doorknob to see if it was still unlocked.  
  
"Your not going to continue living in that broom closet? Go back to Gryffindor tower, I'll help you," he offered her his hand.  
  
"They'll kick me out again," she replied.  
  
"Well, we'll ask Dumbledore to give you somewhere to live."  
  
"Dumbledore already gave me a place. Malfoy, can you keep a secret?" Hermione asked him.  
  
"Because it's a rare ocassion, and I am now nice to you, and we are now friends. Call me by my first name, okay?"  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
"This isn't a broom closet," she said, her voice in a hushed whisper.  
  
"Of course it is," he cried indignantly at being proven wrong.  
  
Hermione sighed, and opened the door. His eyes widened in amazement as he looked at the breath-taking common room.  
  
"Merlin's beard," Draco gasped.  
  
"Promise me you'll never tell anyone, or else I will 'obliviate' you," Hermione whispered, closing the door behind them.  
  
"I promise."  
  
"So, did you say you were my-my friend?" she asked, her heart beat returning to normal.  
  
"Yes, Miss Granger, you are no longer a loner," Draco replied, and soon began to gasp for breath as she embraced him again.  
  
Hermione was actually happy, for the first time in months, she was happy. She hoped that he never left or betrayed her, because she had finally found someone to lean on. Draco finally returned her hug, and she pulled away from him, smiling her first true smile in so long.  
  
"I am always haunted at night, Draco. I see that moment every night, the same image. I have to take a Dreamless Sleeping Potion, to save me from the horrible memories. I can't close my eyes, or relax at all, they'll come back. Please save me from my nightmares, Draco, don't leave." She pleaded, tears welling up in her eyes as she recalled the past months.  
  
"I won't, I will stay by your side, no matter what people say," he whispered, and her eyes twinkled as he said those words.  
  
"I liked you, Hermione, even before now," he said, as they embraced eachother.  
  
"Why are you always so mean?"  
  
"Because I either did not want to admit, or I couldn't let the Slytherins know. But now I don't care if they make fun of me, you have been through way more and managed to keep your head high," he lifted her chin slightly, and gave her a rare and charming smile.  
  
"Gods, I was so close to the edge," she muttered, burying her face in the front of his robes.  
  
He took Hermione in his arms, with a quidditch beater's strength, and carried her up to the room on the second level. She began to breathe softly, her eyes shut as sleep overtook her. He set her on the bed, and got up to go to into the bathroom to take a nice shower.  
  
Finishing up, he exited the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair soaking wet. Pulling his clothes back on, with caution of Hermione's sleeping form, he decided to leave her alone to sleep. As his hand reached the doorknob, he heard a high pitched scream fill the room.  
  
Draco whipped around abruptly, still questioning why he was suddenly worrying for the girl. Hermione was convulsing in bed, letting out terrified shrieks.  
  
He took his belt from his pants, knowing what to do in these situations, and put the leather part of it in her mouth. She continued to convulse, but he made sure she didn't swallow her own tongue. He then tried to shake her awake, but it grew hard, because she wouldn't give in.  
  
After almost being severed a few times, he took out his wand, "Petrificus Totalus."  
  
Her body went rigid, and her eyes began to look around nervously.  
  
"Sorry Hermione, I hope your awake now," he said, then released the spell.  
  
"God, I keep seeing them," she groaned, trying to keep her eyes open.  
  
"I'll stay with you," Draco climbed into bed with her, causing Hermione to blush.  
  
"Th-thanks," she replied, turning over to go back to sleep.  
  
"Where are the potions?"  
  
"Under the bed."  
  
Draco nodded, and climbed out of the bed to retreive the bag. Then handed her a bottle, as she drank it, he watched her in fascinated curiosity.  
  
"Sorry I ruined your life and almost made you commit suicide," Draco mumbled, climbing back in again.  
  
She laughed slightly at his straight forward apology. Then immediately fell asleep.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Draco awoke early that morning, laying back in bed, eyes wide open, lost in thought. He did question his sudden hero act with Hermione, it honestly did not fit him. What would his friends say if he started to hang out with a mudblood, that he had been trying to destroy for years? And when he had finally succeeded, came to her rescue...  
  
Hermione mumbled something and turned over, so that she was now facing him. Her straight hair falling in her face, she scrunched up her nose as it tickled her slightly. Her eyes opened and she gave a nice stretch.  
  
"Nice, calming, sleep," she mumbled, a grin on her face.  
  
"Yep," he replied, his mood changing again.  
  
"I am actually ready to start a new day," Hermione got out of the bed and headed to her dresser, before looking down to see that she was still in her robes.  
  
"Do you want me to hang out with you today?"  
  
"No, it will just give them more reasons to hate me and attack me. It's okay, you have given me happiness and confidence, that's all I want. A friend," she smiled again.  
  
"You act as if Potty and Weasel have never existed before," Draco replied, getting out of bed, also noticing his clothes were still on.  
  
Hermione got out a brush and began to brush her hair, before taking out a wand and muttering a spell.  
  
"So that's Miss Granger's secret, eh?" Draco smirked, walking over.  
  
"You caught me."  
  
"Well, I don't really mind wearing yesterday's robes. They all look the same anyway," Draco shrugged, as he walked over to her vanity picked up her comb, immediately running it through his hair.  
  
"Your vain," she muttered.  
  
"Not as much as, Lockhart," Draco replied.  
  
"Life sucks, but now, it just stinks," she give him a small grin.  
  
"Good to know, how much of an increase is that?"  
  
"Don't care, I'm just still in shock that I actually forgave you."  
  
"I apologized didn't I?" Draco lifted her out of the chair.  
  
"Sure, after giving me a nervous breakdown."  
  
"I'll make it up to you. Are you sure you don't need protection?" Draco asked, opening her door, and descending the stairs with her.  
  
"It'll be fine. It's hard though, no sympathy, although I am not one to ask for that. But the teachers just give me pity, which is worse."  
  
"I sympathize, I care," Draco smiled at her as they reached the door.  
  
"I miss my parents, and last night was the first time I had ever voiced it aloud, thanks for being a prat and breaking my last nerve," Hermione said.  
  
"No problem."  
  
Hermione cautiously opened the door, and saw that the corridor was empty.  
  
"Hurry," she whispered as they snuck out of the door.  
  
"We have Transfiguration next together. Too bad I can't talk to you," Draco shrugged, and gave her a surprising kiss on the cheek, before leaving the corridor with his same saunter, but now it didn't bother her at all.  
  
[A/N: I know, it was short, but that just seemed like a perfect end of chapter. Now you know who brings her out of this, and there will be lots more shouting. Wink wink] 


	6. Chapter VI

[A/N: I listened to what one of you said. And sense I am depressed at the moment, I want to ruin her life again... We may change her rescuer... I have no idea, just don't yell at me again. xCOVERS EARSx. But honestly, criticism is what I needed. The story line felt weird after Draco goes and helps her. So I shall destroy her life very maniacally. Then, we shall see, who is lovely enough to be her saviour]  
  
Chapter VI  
  
Draco Malfoy mentally hit himself a few times, well, he actually began to abuse himself. Did he really think that this was going to be accepted? What would Pansy say? The same question from that morning was running through his mind also. Why did he have to go save her as he had just pushed her over the edge? Wasn't that the plan?  
  
A hand grabbed his upper arm, he turned to see Harry and Ron standing there, looking smug.  
  
"Why, may I ask, are you touching me?" he snapped. 'Ah, there you go Draco,' he thought, 'your back to normal. But what the hell were you thinking this morning?!'  
  
"I have a proposition," Ron said, their smug looks grew.  
  
"Yes?" Draco sneered.  
  
"You help us, get back at Hermione Granger, and we won't bug you ever again," Harry said, Ron nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"What is this plan of yours?"  
  
"Well, Ginny and Lavendar wanted to beat her up again, but we wanted to do something more painful and humiliating," Harry shrugged.  
  
"I'm listening..."  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Hermione was on a cloud, but there was a feeling of nagging at the back of her brain. Could this possibly be a trick? And that thought, brought her back under.  
  
"Slut," a hufflepuff sixth year hissed in her direction.  
  
The shoulder strap of her book bag was now digging into her shoulder painfully, she took it off and sat by the wall of the corridor.  
  
A person sat beside her, humming a small song she had never heard of, she turned to see Dumbledore twiddling his thumbs and glancing at the ceiling.  
  
"Good day, Miss Granger," he said, his tone nonchalant, yet amused.  
  
"Hello," Hermione muttered.  
  
"Be aware of what friends you make, and watch your back at all times," was all the old headmaster said before standing up again, and leaving. The corridor was now empty.  
  
Hermione looked at her hands. Could Draco possibly turn his back on her? He was the one that majorly ruined her life, and all of a sudden he comes with sympathy. This thought made her angry, her heart pulsed to an unhealthy beat.  
  
Picking up her book bag, Hermione walked through the halls. Strength being apart of her. She needed to get back at all of those people. They didn't seem to care if two people died a brutal death, so they shouldn't be happy. She definitely was not happy now.  
  
She stopped, around the corner she heard voices.  
  
"I'm listening..." Draco's voice said.  
  
"So, your going to help us get revenge on that heartless mudblood bitch?" Ron asked, his voice sounded eager.  
  
"Yes," Draco replied, sounding annoyed.  
  
Hermione's heart beat grew to an alarming rate. How could she be so stupid? She turned around, tears brimmed her eyes. Someone had actually cared for her, not pitied, but cared. Then she had to go and get all happy. Hermione rushed back to her common room and closed the door behind her.  
  
"Mum," she whispered, her plead went unheard as students passed outside the door.  
  
Hermione felt so weak, she slowly moved her trembling body to the couch.  
  
"Accio knife," she muttered, holding out her wand lazily.  
  
The object flew toward her, and she gracefully caught it by the sharp edge. Hermione didn't pay attention to the fact that it had sliced her palm. Taking the handle of the knife, stress running down her cheeks in the form of tears, she sliced her skin in lovely motions.  
  
Hair falling in her face, tears obscuring her vision, blood running down her arm onto the silver rug. Her mind scolded her constantly, asking her why she had been so stupid. She had confided in the person that had probably started her cutting. He had turned the whole school against her, when she needed them the most.  
  
"Fuck you Malfoy," she muttered, running the blade across another part of her arm, the seventh cut made that day.  
  
The bell rang, signaling lunch. Hermione got up, covered her arms with the sleeves of her robes, and exited the room. She felt uncontrollable anger and sadness. Her body trembled as she walked through the corridors, her head felt weak. After sobbing so much, her breathing had become ragged.  
  
She stopped outside the doors to the Great Hall, the place was loud with chatter, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to join them. Fixing her sleeves once again, Hermione entered the hall. Talking stopped, people froze, and then it all started once again. But it didn't sound like happy conversations anymore, it sounded like vengeful conversations.  
  
She looked across the hall for blonde hair as she sat down. When she caught him, she had to turn away again. He was snogging Pansy, and it was not a pretty sight.  
  
The food didn't seem very appetizing, but Hermione took a ham sandwich anyway.  
  
"Go!" she heard someone yell, this couldn't be good.  
  
She felt a hand on her shoulder, she whipped around. Everyone was staring at her and the person expectantly. The person was Lavendar Brown, smirking devilishly.  
  
"Well, Mudblood?" she inquired, grabbing Hermione by the collar and picking her up.  
  
"What?" Hermione managed to choke out, breathing was becoming hard.  
  
Hermione's head turned as she felt Lavendar punch her hard in the cheek. It hurt so badly.  
  
"I'm done, Ginny, why don't you go next?" Lavendar dropped Hermione on the ground, only to be picked up by the collar again.  
  
What the bloody hell was this?! Some kind of Death Eater meeting?! Everyone was cheering, so it probably was.  
  
"You traitor. But I always knew you were a tramp. From the moment you started hanging out with my beloved Harry. Hell, I even thought you were my friend," Ginny sneered, then Hermione's head jerked to the other side as her left cheek was punched.  
  
Hermione was once again dropped to the ground, her weak form trembled with every breath, and shook with sobs. She looked up to see Draco not very far away. He was watching with Pansy on his arm, his eyes showed absolutely no emotion.  
  
'So much for not giving a damn about what people said,' she thought sarcastically.  
  
Her head lifted, as a stronger hand grabbed her by the collar. Ron's eyes were cold and deep down in the depths of that blue was hurt. She took a deep breath, knowing that the "boys are not to hit girls" rule was going to be broken that day.  
  
"Bloody bitch," he muttered.  
  
"Acting like such a know-it-all. Getting everyone in trouble, telling me and Harry what to do. This isn't just because your an ugly slut, but also because you are a good for nothing nuisance to anyone who has walked this earth," Ron spat.  
  
With surprising strength, he threw her to the floor, her body slid into the feet of the audience. They didn't seem happy about this, because soon millions of feet were kicking her lifeless body. Hermione didn't do anything, she didn't deserve to live anyway. She wanted to be with her parents.  
  
'GOD JUST KILL ME!' Her mind was screaming pleads, because her jaw had just been broken.  
  
Tears ran down her face, her arms stung as feet kicked the opened flesh, her body curled up into a fetal position. She sobbed uncontrollably, she had had a friend, he had left her. She had been happy, that had left her as well. All good things had betrayed her. No one noticed as her robes and hair became damp with her own blood.  
  
Suddenly there was a brilliant burst of light, so bright that it blazed through her closed eyelids.  
  
"Stop!" a powerful angry voice yelled.  
  
The kicking stopped, and feet cautiously moved away from her shaking body. She slowly opened her eyes, and saw the scariest sight ever.  
  
Dumbledore stood there, behind him were the Order members, his face looked so frightening because of the evident anger. He looked as if he was facing Voldemort right there, but it was the student body.  
  
Remus Lupin and Severus Snape rushed forward to get her body, she screamed in agony as they accidently touched her bruises.  
  
"MUM!" she shrieked, her jaw hurting like a thousand knives as she used it.  
  
She sobbed so hard, she wanted her parents so badly.  
  
Everyone in the hall was frozen, the look of fury never faltering on the headmaster's face. But something else was there, pure disappointment that all the students would gang up on a weak girl.  
  
The only sounds were the sobs of Hermione as she was carried to the Hospital Wing by the two adults, Madam Promfrey rushed over from behind Dumbledore to open the doors. The nurse was crying as she looked at the girl being taken to the wing.  
  
Tonks had her mouth open in shock at something so appalling. The silence in the hall was thick, everyone was just staring at the Order members.  
  
"Never! In all my years at Hogwarts!" McGonagall exclaimed, her lips tight, a few strands of hair falling from her tight bun.  
  
"I am absolutely disappointed in all of you!" Dumbledore did not need a 'sonorus' spell, his voice was powerful. "Do you even know what has happened to Miss Granger? There will be no Quidditch Cup after the holidays, no House Cup. If my school behaves like that, then they obviously deserve none of that."  
  
The teachers were all shaking their heads, whether in disappointment or shock, it was hard to tell.  
  
Dumbledore swept out of the hall, followed by the staff and Order members. All the students could do was stand, then there was a great movement of feet as everyone headed to their common rooms in guilt. The question on all of their minds was the same. What had happened to Hermione Granger? All the students thought this, except one extra guilty student.  
  
[A/N: I know dramatic... blah, blah, blah... How cliche of Draco to turn his back on her... blah, blah, blah... students wouldn't gang up on her... blah, blah, blah... SO what! This is my evil cunning mind! Muahahaha!.... Review please!] 


	7. Chapter VII

[A/N: Yesterday, when I saw that I had gotten like 13 more reviews I was in shock. I was a bit afraid that they would be flames, I love criticism but at times I fear it. When I read the messages for my fanfiction I was so flattered! Thanks! I thought I was acting drastic in the sixth chapter, but I'm also very evil, so oh well. Now, here's the seventh chapter, I go on everyday to check for reviews, they inspire me, I got 3 more today! Plus, I had the same thing on my mind about Severus and Remus, I love them both, but now I can't decide!]  
  
Chapter VII  
  
Emitting a low groan, Hermione turned over in the thin sheets, seeing red. Recognizing that it was her eyelids, she slowly opened them to look around. The room was white, reflecting the glow from the sun in the windows. It was empty, turning over she saw a rather amusing sight.  
  
Remus Lupin was lying down on the floor, sleeping peacefully. Severus Snape was in a chair, he only looked slightly relaxed as he slept, his body was still stiff and his mouth was closed. Slightly disappointed that she couldn't see the Potions professor looking like a normal lazy man, she turned to face the ceiling.  
  
Hermione felt pretty okay, except for the ache in her jaw and neck. She guessed that they had been broken, thinking about that only made her feel worse. The whole school had attacked her, it was absolutely appalling that the people she had called her friends had been apart of that group. The Slytherins, Hermione understood, they would jump at the chance of beating up a Gryffindor (a muggle-born at that). But her own house?  
  
A cough came from Lupin's form, his eyes slowly flickered open, and he literally jumped as he saw that she was awake. He walked over to her bed right away, face etched in worry.  
  
"Hermione, feeling alright?" he said, rubbing his neck, it had apparently cramped up from his uncomfortable position on the stone floor.  
  
"Err-" Hermione didn't really know how she felt.  
  
"Well, Madam Promfrey was having a bit of trouble with more of the, err, serious broken bones," Remus looked around nervously.  
  
"Will they be okay?"  
  
"Yes, they'll just be aches in those parts of your body. Luckily, you were only asleep for twenty hours, Madam Promfrey will be surprised. We thought you would be in a coma for weeks," Remus smiled.  
  
"Well, I'm definitely sleepy," Hermione sighed.  
  
"Hermione, I am really sorry we didn't arrive sooner. With the Order meeting and everything, but Severus said that he thought he heard something. We all rushed to get there-"  
  
"It's okay, I'm fine now aren't I?" Hermione didn't notice until now that her voice was hoarse and faint.  
  
"Yes, I just can't believe they would behave like that," Remus said.  
  
"Did Harry join in?" Hermione asked irritably.  
  
"No, he didn't. But he was also apart of those cheering it on, I don't know what has gotten into him," Remus' face darkened.  
  
"The funny thing is, I had made a friend that morning, he said he would protect me," Hermione muttered.  
  
"What happened? Hermione, did anyone start this?" Remus asked, but stopped and looked over at Severus who was stirring.  
  
"It was all conducted by a rumor started by the same guy," Hermione replied.  
  
"Who?" Remus asked, he looked over at Severus in curiosity again. "Not an easy one to blackmail, eh?"  
  
Hermione laughed, it felt good, but it ended in coughs. Remus looked at her apologetically, but she just smiled.  
  
"I really thought that someone could stand up for me, you know, really care. Someone I could hug and hold onto, after all, I had lost those friends earlier this year," Hermione's smiled to one that was cold.  
  
"He knew about my parents, he helped me admit the truth, and then he just stood by as they came... after me," Hermione's brown eyes glistened with clear, unshed tears.  
  
"Where am I?" Severus asked, looking at his surroundings in suspicion.  
  
Remus chuckled lightly to himself, and turned back to Hermione.  
  
"Hermione, I have a question. Did-did they use knives on you?" Remus looked at her, his features becames serious.  
  
Hermione was confused.  
  
"Why?" she inquired.  
  
"There were, err, cuts all of your arms," Remus looked around again, uncomfortable.  
  
Hermione's eyes widened in guilt and understanding.  
  
"No, Pro-Remus," Hermione looked down.  
  
"Then, what, how-" he stopped, his eyes widening as well.  
  
Hermione sniffled slightly, she felt something wet roll down the bridge of her nose, then slowly to the side. She concentrated on the floor.  
  
"Have you been conducting self-mutilation?" Severus asked, surprising her, as he was suddenly standing opposite from Remus, by her bed.  
  
Hermione slowly nodded, averting her eyes from the two men.  
  
"Gods, Hermione!" Remus gasped loudly.  
  
"What is going on here?!" a shrill voice interrupted.  
  
Hermione looked up, Madam Promfrey stood outside her office looking angry. When she saw Hermione sitting up, she quickly rushed over and pushed Hermione back into the bed.  
  
"How are you feeling?" she asked, looking through the reasonable amount of medicine bottles on the bedside table that Hermione didn't notice.  
  
"I have a few aches, but that's it," Hermione replied quietly, still avoiding the stares of Severus and Remus.  
  
"Good, good,"Madam Promfrey said absently, pouring medicine in spoons and levitating them as she filled the next one.  
  
"Did you ask her about the cuts?" the medi-witch looked up at the two adults.  
  
"Yes," Remus replied.  
  
"Well?" Madam Promfrey sounded irritated by the silence that followed his words.  
  
"She is the one that made the cuts," Severus answered.  
  
"Miss Granger! I demand an explanation!" Madam Promfrey exclaimed, she took out her Hermione's arm and examined it. The cuts were gone, but there were a few white scars left.  
  
"I lost hope," Hermione whispered, her words explaining everthing.  
  
"You do know that I will have to tell the headmaster?" she said, knowingly.  
  
Hermione hesitantly nodded. At the corner of her eye, she saw Remus staring at her arm in disbelief. Madam Promfrey left the Hospital Wing right away.  
  
"Well, at least we don't have to worry about convincing the houses to work together. They have great teamwork, when wanting revenge," Hermione whispered sarcastically.  
  
"How could you hurt yourself?!" Remus exclaimed, ignoring her.  
  
"No one seemed to care, everyone hated me, I wanted to see to my parents... The possibilities are endless," Hermione's tone was cold and sarcastic.  
  
"I must go, there is a staff meeting in a few minutes," Severus said, lacking any emotions.  
  
Severus left the infirmary, robes billowing behind him. Remus turned to Hermione, and placed a gentle hand on her cheek, she winced slightly at his touch. He immediately withdrew his hand.  
  
"I can't believe-" Remus stopped, once again.  
  
There was muffled shrieking. Remus smiled faintly.  
  
"We sent letters to the parents, we got an immediate answer from Molly. She told us to tell you she was very sorry for her son and daughter's disrespectful behavior, and she said that she would make sure to send a Howler to Ron and Ginny," Remus said, Hermione sighed.  
  
Remus continued, "Fred and George tried to send you most of the new Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products, and almost all of Honeyduke's. But Madam Promfrey said she wouldn't allow it, everything is in your common room at the moment."  
  
"Oh," Hermione said.  
  
"Who was the boy you were talking about? The one who started rumors and then befriended you?" Remus looked at her, she glanced at her sheets, then sat up in the bed.  
  
The spoons were still floating near the spot where Remus was sitting, she stared at them as they hovered.  
  
"Draco Malfoy," Hermione whispered, but he heard her perfectly.  
  
"What? I am going to have to tell the staff," he stood up, but she grabbed his forearm.  
  
"No, please. Stay here," she pleaded.  
  
Remus' face softened and he sat back down.  
  
"I don't know what I possibly was thinking," she began, another tear rolling along the side of her face. "I had been so stupid, actually believing him when he told me that he would stick up for me. Protect me. I was so vulnerable," Hermione played with the hems of her sleeves.  
  
Remus sat there as she criticized herself.  
  
"I was just feeling sorry for myself, and letting him get uder my skin. And now I'm talking to you about all my problems like I did with him," she began to cry, her soft whimpers muffled by the sheets.  
  
Remus took her limp body and hugged her tightly, she turned to his chest and sobbed quietly into his robes. Her body trembling and wincing from the pain.  
  
After some time, Remus gently took her chin and lifted her head to face his.  
  
"Hermione, your not vulnerable. You just suffered a great loss, anyone would be as depressed as you are feeling now. The people who don't give a care are oblivious idiots," he said softly, smiling at her.  
  
She returned his smile slowly.  
  
"I'm sorry for ruining your robes," Hermione mumbled, embarassed.  
  
"Think nothing of it. Hermione, you can write me, or if I'm here, come to me anytime you need someone to lean on," Remus said.  
  
"Thank you," she replied, and embraced him again in a hug of gratitude.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Breakfast and lunch was filled with students (none of the Slytherins, seeing as how they're parents were happy that they beat up a muggle-born) receiving Howlers. Dinner was quiet, the only sounds were of a few Slytherin girls whispering to eachother, and the clinking of forks as people ate.  
  
At the end of the feast, Dumbledore stood up, calling attention. Everyone turned to look at him, eyes expectant.  
  
"I am disturbed and disappointed by such behavior of my students. Hermione Granger had already gone through an ordeal this summer, adding to the fact of rumors," Dumbledore turned his eyes to Draco, everyone followed his gaze, then turned back to him. "What all of you did yesterday was completely inappropriate. Miss Granger's spine was almost broken, close to paralyzing her from the neck down, and her jaw was broken as well.  
  
"She is now in the Hospital Wing recovering, gratefully suffering no permanent damage, except traumatizaton from now two things," Dumbledore stopped as everyone looked at eachother in surprise. "During the summer, while Miss Granger was staying with her parents, she suffered what we now found to be a brain effecting trauma. On the night of July thirty-first, Hermione found her mother's dead body.  
  
"Jane Granger was beheaded by her husband, Richard Granger, and then she witnessed as her father committed suicide. I arrived before she took her own life also, she stayed at Hogwarts for the rest of the holidays," Dumbledore looked down, a few teachers were crying silently. Severus just stared ahead, determined not to catch anyone's eye.  
  
The students all took this as a shock, a few mouths were gaping. Harry and Ron looked at eachother wearily, Lavendar was looking down, and Ginny had tears running down her freckled face. Draco Malfoy avoided any stares from his fellow Slytherins or other houses.  
  
"Any rumors that were started early this year, are untrue. Miss Granger will have seperate classes from the rest of the seventh years in private, so that none of this happens again," Dumbledore sat back down and excused the students, they all rushed back to their common rooms, in silence.  
  
"What a bunch of bullshit," Pansy sneered, as she placed her napkin on the table and got up.  
  
"Feel sympathy for the mudblood," Blaise mimicked.  
  
"Shut up," Draco muttered.  
  
"What? What's wrong with you Draco?" Pansy asked, looking at him as if he was some kind of lunatic.  
  
"Just shut up," Draco stormed out of the Great Hall, guilt as strong as ever.  
  
[A/N: Ooohh! Angsty! HBP... yay! Anyway, thank you all again for the reviews, I am extremely flattered] 


	8. Chapter VIII

[A/N: Here's the thing. The stories I post are my self-pity and prove how life is for someone who has been single for all of their years spent on the earth. So, I'm not entirely fond of them anymore, I actually feel better when I write my Slytherin stories, but I haven't posted those have I? Read my author page, you'll understand. I have no experience with the things Hermione has gone through, all in my imagination, so I apologize if the events are too much of an understatement. Or if this is a little AU, Ôcause this story is the mess that a depressed human being has created]  
  
Chapter VIII  
  
The next morning, Hermione woke up, and looked around the bland infirmary. Taking the sheets from her legs, Hermione sat up in the bed.  
  
"Quite early to try and escape the hospital, hm?"  
  
Hermione turned around to see that Severus had just entered the Hospital Wing, he was apparently paying Madam Promfrey a visit.  
  
"I wasn't trying to escape, just- err- stretching," Hermione replied, making her own voice unconvincing, she grinned at him.  
  
To her surprise, he smiled back.  
  
"I see... Well, nobody will be in the room soon and the door is open. Good luck," he gave her a nod, then entered the office at the end of the room.  
  
Still a bit surprised, Hermione stretched out in her bed. Then, deciding to take a shower, she stood up and entered the lavatory.  
  
Madam Promfrey had found a few slight problems with her brain, but told Hermione that she was very lucky. Hermione, could have, of course, lost her sanity that night, or the night she found her parents.  
  
Turning the water to cold, she got under the thunderous rain and washed her hair. After finishing up her shower, Hermione got dressed, and reentered the infirmary.  
  
She was shocked to see people standing at her bed. Silently walking over, she took a look at who it was.  
  
"Hello," Hermione said, her voice still temporarily hoarse, damaged by the students.  
  
She was immediately engulfed in hugs from Molly, Arthur, Fred, and George Weasley. Molly apologizing the whole time.  
  
"I'm so sorry, oh Hermione, you look so weak. Come, lay down," Molly ushered her into the bed, and sighed in relief as Hermione got under the covers.  
  
"Thank you, but you don't have to apologize," Hermione said, smiling.  
  
"How are you feeling, dear?" Molly asked, as the family took a few chairs and sat down by her bed.  
  
"A few aches, brain damage, that's it," Hermione shrugged, making sure not to mention the faint feeling, from loss of large amounts of blood.  
  
"They did that too! I can't believe them, causing you brain damage-"  
  
"Mrs. Weasley, I had the problem before that day," Hermione mumbled.  
  
Molly nodded in understanding, still fussing over the girl.  
  
"Would you like to spend the holidays at headquarters with us and some of the Order members?" Arthur asked.  
  
"I would love to," Hermione replied, she ignored the terrible feeling of dread.  
  
"Fantastic!" Fred exclaimed, making Molly jump in surprise.  
  
"Did you receive our gifts?" George asked, eagerly.  
  
"Yeah, I haven't been able to see them yet though, everything is in my common room," Hermione replied.  
  
"You have your own common room? And your not Head Girl?" Fred asked in amazement.  
  
Hermione nodded, slightly amused.  
  
"But the only common rooms that we have heard of are the Head's, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and the staff. And you don't use the Gryffindor ones," Fred began to concentrate on the curtain as he thought.  
  
"Don't hurt yourself, Fred," George patted his twin dramatically on the back.  
  
"Well, we better get going, see you next week, Hermione," Arthur said.  
  
After more hugs, the Weasley's left, Fred still thinking very hard.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
A few days later, Madam Promfrey finally (yet reluctantly) allowed Hermione to leave the Hospital Wing. She walked through the halls, still feeling a bit scared and weary. No one said anything to her, they would just stare at her in pity and shock.  
  
Great, Hermione thought, watching as a few Gryffindors looked at her sadly.  
  
She entered her common room to find tables stacked with bags of little toys and contraptions, and a heavenly reasonable amount of candy. She let a faint smile cross her face, yet it only comforted slightly.  
  
The feeling of dread multiplied itself as Hermione slumped onto the couch, allowing herself to lose some consciousness. Just a few months ago she had been sobbing on that same couch, wondering if her friends were going to help bring her out of the ashes that was her life.  
  
Hermione gave a bitter laugh at her metaphor and threw a nearby book into the fire, not caring which one it was. No longer wallowing in self-pity, but feeling a sudden bitter anger that could only be the after-effects of the school's betrayal. She stood up, kicking the table onto its side in a new strength that only stress and anger could give someone.  
  
Hermione stomped across the common room, wanting to just torture something. Her body stiffened with the stress and she wanted so much to just rip her hair out of her head, to just relax. She had sympathy. Wasn't that what she wanted?  
  
"Gods, why can't I make up my mind," Hermione cried in strangled voice, feeling really, really frustrated by all the nerves.  
  
Her fury was practically blinding, she couldn't understand why, but she just had to hurt something.  
  
She picked up her knife that lay confined under a pillow on the couch, and began to cut everything in her way. Feathers from the pillows soon littered the floor, the couches and armchairs were torn up with slits from the blade. Hermione gave out a yell from the burst of stressing madness.  
  
She fell against an extremely destroyed chair, feeling sorry for herself like every other time. She had friends still, the adults. But were they really counted as friends? Were their comforting words used to just save another life, not to show their love to someone who they truly cared about?  
  
"Who am I kidding?" Hermione muttered quietly, barely awake from the feeling of weakness.  
  
Her eyes closed with a flutter, and she fell asleep.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Dobby was throwing her things eagerly into her trunk as Hermione brushed her hair. The depression had banished itself from her thoughts for a few days, giving her a chance to relax.  
  
As she slowly ran the brush through her hair, she gave her reflection a soft smile. It was the day that she would be heading to Grimmauld Place, and her nerves just wouldn't give up. Hermione gave the brush to Dobby and put on her turtleneck sweater.  
  
"Dobby, what if I changed my appearance?" Hermione asked the house-elf quietly.  
  
"Young Miss, you is looking good the way you's is," Dobby replied earnestly.  
  
"Yeah, but I don't have any friends now. And most girls would jump at the chance of a makeover," Hermione sighed.  
  
Dobby gave a small shrug, then locked up her trunk triumphantly. Hermione waved good-bye as she headed out into the corridor, through the bustle of students. She hoped that she was unnoticed as she slipped through the crowd to the entrance hall.  
  
She paid no attention to the pale sky overhead, nor to the cold breeze that made her fellow peers shiver and bring their jackets and cloaks closer to themselves. She entered a carriage by herself, and huddled beneath her cloak in the corner, hoping beyond hope that no one would enter.  
  
She was not lucky.  
  
One person came inside, glaring down any others who tried to entrance also, then closed the carriage door and allowed it to be taken down to Hogsmeade.  
  
Hermione looked away from the window and glared in hatred at the thing that had dared to intrude in on her peace. He looked away in shame, but she did not pay any notice. Her veins burst with the hate that had spoiled her blood, from just looking at him.  
  
"Get out, I don't care if the carriage is moving or not, just get out," Hermione muttered, narrowing her eyes as if daring him.  
  
"I'm sorry, but-"  
  
Hermione ignored him. "You have caused me enough torture. Or is that not enough for you?"  
  
"I didn't mean it," Draco pleaded.  
  
"Shut up! I feel so stupid that I actually fell for your cruel joke! Gods, I feel like a moron!" Hermione groaned, putting her face in her hands.  
  
"Please, understand," Draco whispered, scooting towards her as she cried.  
  
Hermione leaped away from him, seating herself as far away from Draco as possible. She glared at him with anger and disgust.  
  
"You think that I am idiotic enough to fall for that? Do you actually assume that I will cry into your shoulder, so that you could have one up on me? I hate you! I hate you so much! Just standing there with your whore as they tried to kill me! Not giving a damn!" she yelled.  
  
He opened his mouth but she cut him off. "Don't even try! I thought I actually had a friend! When I woke up, I saw my world completely different! I was actually happy!"  
  
Hermione kicked the seat, intentionally damaging the wood also. The carriage stopped, and before he could utter another word, Hermione stood up and slapped him hard across the face.  
  
Feeling as angry as ever, she stormed out of the carriage and onto the train, pushing past anyone who stopped and stared. She got onto the train and entered the farthest compartment in the back.  
  
Slamming the door shut, Hermione sat down angrily onto the seat, and curled up into a fetal position, crying with a newfound bitterness. No one dared to enter, after seeing the red hand print on Draco's face.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Hermione clambered out onto the platform, feeling weak, her limbs shaking as she looked around for the Order members. Harry, Ginny, and Ron were heading toward a small group of people, who she guessed were the ones she was looking for. Trembling, Hermione brought her cloak tighter around her body and walked over to them.  
  
They just stared as she stopped and looked at the ground, avoiding everyone's eyes. They had all been there at the attack, and it gave Hermione a greater feeling of dread.  
  
They silently walked out the barrier, Hermione making sure to avoid the other three, she could already feel the depression coming on. Everyone filed into the ministry car that Dumbledore had managed to get.  
  
Hermione sat in the corner, by the window, staring out at all the people that the car passed. Everyone snuck a glance at the girl that stared out the window, a sort of longing evident on her features.  
  
The tension in the car thickened as Hermione stared out, feeling the stares of the occupants, and she just wanted them to talk or something. A straight lock of hair fell into her face, but she didn't move it away, there was no point.  
  
She was the last to exit the car, hating herself for being so self-pitying. They entered the house, and Hermione was lead to a different room than where she used to stay. The room was bland and plain, chipped gray paint covered the walls, the bed looked like it was one minute from collapsing, and an old dusty mirror sat in the corner.  
  
Molly set her trunk down in front of the bed, and smiled warmly at Hermione, who just responded with an absent nod. After the door closed, she walked over to the mirror and stared at her pale reflection.  
  
Hermione nearly jumped as the mirror spoke to her.  
  
"Dear, your so pale and thin," the mirror tutted.  
  
"I suppose," Hermione murmured, taking a few steps away.  
  
"Hmm," the mirror just sighed.  
  
Hermione went back to her bed and sat on it, alone and unaware of her surroundings. Her mind wandered through the many emotions she was currently feeling, and it was all too much to sort through.  
  
"I hate myself," Hermione fell back on the bed, closing her eyes tightly.  
  
"Dear, your so beautiful though. Anyone would envy that long hair, and that marvelous hair color," the mirror replied sweetly.  
  
"I hate being me," Hermione seethed, ignoring the mirror's comfort.  
  
"Don't beat yourself up, hun," the mirror retorted, yawning.  
  
"I want to change, for absolutely no reason at all! Change my whole appearance! I am so stereotypical!" Hermione moaned irritably.  
v  
"Dear?" the mirror questioned.  
  
"I don't want to be supposedly pretty," Hermione told the mirror, getting up from the bed, and tugging at her long hair as an indication.  
  
The mirror didn't reply. Hermione sighed deeply, walking over to her reflection angrily.  
  
"I have no idea why I'm still depressed! Why? I got the sympathy! I just don't know why I have to be so self-obsessive! Crying over my own faults!" Hermione screamed, feeling so angry, her body trembling.  
  
"Why are you so angry?" the mirror asked soothingly.  
  
"I have no idea!" she cried, leaning against the dresser for support.  
  
"I'm sure there are many people who care for you," the mirror said.  
  
"I just don't want to be me. Have you ever felt like being yourself was too much? I don't have any parents, I have millions of enemies, I was practically killed by nearly three hundred people or so!"  
  
Hermione sat on the floor, sobbing. It was way too much to take in, and now that everything had been admitted, realization finally hitting her with all the horrible facts. She just couldn't take all of it, it was all way, way too much.  
  
"Why did they have to go? I need them so much and their gone," Hermione mumbled, resting her head on the wood, trying to sort out her thoughts thoroughly.  
  
The room went into peaceful silence, Hermione brought her knees to her chest as she tried to think. Then, an idea came to mind.  
  
Immediately standing up, Hermione ran to her trunk and got out her wand and her knife. The mirror gasped, but she ignored it. Walking to the mirror, Hermione took the knife to her hair and cut it so that it was two inches above her shoulder. She then took out her wand, remembering the mirror's words. No more "beautiful" long hair. No more of that "lovely" hair color.  
  
Saying a few well chosen words, she let her hair turn black, not caring that it was permanent. Her mind was not functioning properly, and she was acting through anger and sadness. The mirror gasped dramatically once more.  
  
"Dear! What have you done to your hair?" the mirror asked in shock.  
  
"Just what needed to be done," Hermione replied, a twisted smile haunting her lips. She looked at her reflection, and nodded. Pleased.  
  
Throwing the knife across the room, the wand lying unnoticed on the floor, she walked over to her bed and lied face down. No more tears, no more tears, her mind repeated the words over and over again.  
  
"Who's occupied this room?" she asked the mirror, her voice muffled by the pillow.  
  
"Only one person, she was bit unusual though," the mirror replied sadly.  
  
"Who?" Hermione inquired, sitting up and looking over at the mirror.  
  
"Bellatrix, I believe, she stayed over during the summer or winter occasionally," it answered.  
  
"Did she leave anything behind?" Hermione asked, interested.  
  
"Yes, some of those mutilated dolls of hers, hair brushes, makeup, a few clothes, a few letters, and that's it," the mirror replied.  
  
Hermione jumped up, "Where is this all?"  
  
"Some people came in to clean up the room, but no matter how many times I told them, there was a loose floorboard they had forgotten, they ignored me," the mirror gave an indignant huff.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Under the bed."  
  
Hermione ran over to the bed, pulled it from the wall, leaving it in the middle of the room. She immediately moved to the floor, pounding down on each floorboard. This was the most interesting room that the Order members could have chosen for her. When she found the correct floorboard, she lifted it up and gasped when she saw a small box inside.  
  
"Brilliant," Hermione breathed as she took it out and put the floorboard back.  
  
The box was filled with parchment, little kits of makeup, disturbing figurines, hair things, jewelery, and some folded black clothing.  
v"I wonder if she'll mind if I keep all of this," Hermione wondered aloud.  
  
"From what I've heard she's a crazy murderer, so I don't think she'll mind at all," the mirror stated.  
  
"Great! I don't know why, but I now feel so much better," Hermione sighed, holding a black long sleeve shirt with a red lace-up over herself.  
  
Hermione threw her cloak off, took her sweater and shirt off, then put the older shirt on. She walked over to the box and took out a long black skirt, that looked a bit torn up, but intentionally. Putting that on too, Hermione admired her reflection, finally happy with what she saw.  
  
"What would people say, knowing that a muggle-born was trying on Bellatrix Lestrange's clothes," Hermione smiled faintly, the excitement lifting her mood dramatically.  
  
Putting her boots back on, she went over to the box and took out all the makeup. Eyeliner, dark crimson blush, and red lipstick, Hermione was amazed at how gothic Bellatrix was.  
  
"Am I being too dramatic with this change?" Hermione asked the mirror uneasily.  
  
"Of course not, everyone wants to change once in a while."  
  
"Yeah, I just really hate myself," Hermione muttered.  
  
"Save the makeup for later though. Until you know how to use it," the mirror suggested.  
  
"Good idea, it'll be enough of a shock with my hair and the clothes... Gods, look at me! My parents would be so disappointed," Hermione kneeled onto the floor, staring at herself suddenly in horror.  
  
The mirror didn't reply, to which she was grateful. How could she have cut her hair like that? It was still straight, but it was so short. She was wearing some Death Eater's clothes and she was trying to wear gothic makeup. Why did she have to go through with her mad intentions? Hermione let a tear fall down her cheek, feeling disappointed in herself.  
  
The door suddenly opened, making Hermione jump from the floor in surprise. Molly was standing there, gaping at her in shock.  
  
"D-dinner's ready," Molly stammered, before turning away and closing the door.  
  
"Go eat, you need the nutrients," the mirror reassured her.  
  
Hermione nodded emotionlessly, and walked to the door. Opening it silently, she crept down the stairs to the kitchen, feeling the dread as strong as ever. She opened the kitchen door, unnoticed at first (Molly was standing at the counter, still in shock), until they all looked over toward her at once.  
  
[A/N: Read my author page please for info, sorry it took so long for me to add the new chapter (lack of inspiration), and please review! Thanks for reading the story I currently dislike! No offense intended!] 


	9. Chapter IX

[A/N: Dear Buddha, I am so sorry that I didn't update. Please, blame my current Slytherin mood. I have recently been writing Slytherin fanfics and cursing some other fanfics that made Pansy, Lucius, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Snape, or Draco look bad. My apologies. Lack of inspiration hardly happens to me, but I just read a few Draco/Hermione fanfictions lately (which will probably be completely irrelevant to this story) and just had to continue this one. Plus all the reviews I have received. smirks Yeah, I am a bit obsessed over those Snape/Hermione fanfictions, they are just so good! Completely edgy. Sorry, off topic again. Here's the long awaited chapter]  
  
Chapter IX  
  
The only noise that could be detected, was Hermione's soft breathing as she entered the kitchen, staring around at everyone. Her deep brown eyes gazing over all the faces filled with emotions that were relevant to shock.  
  
Wordlessly, Hermione swept to the seat at the farthest end of the table. Everyone else had seated themselves in the light, leaving six empty chairs in the dark, and she had decided to take one of them.  
  
Chatter finally broke out as Molly set a plate in front of Hermione, who slowly began to eat, glancing up at everyone occasionally. She did not feel good, after the reality shock that had hit her very roughly, she suddenly felt weary. Her limbs felt weak, her mind was groggy, and she had gone temporarily blind and deaf.  
  
Minutes crept by, until dinner was over, and Hermione absently got up from her seat and headed back upstairs. She hardly noticed the hand on her arm, until it an alarm went off in her head. Telling her that she was going to be attacked again.  
  
Hermione jerked her arm from the grip and whipped around. Harry stood in front of her, behind him were Ron and Ginny, frowns evident on their faces.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
His voice was shaky, as if he couldn't trust himself to actually speak. She didn't trust him either.  
  
"What do you suppose?" Hermione snapped irritably, before continuing up.  
  
The hand grabbed her arm again. The alarm went off as well, telling her to run, that they were going to make her bleed again. Inside and out.  
  
"Leave me alone!" Hermione screamed, taking her arm away in fright.  
  
Without giving them a chance to retort, Hermione ran up the stairs, as fast as she could. Ginny blocked the door, leaving Hermione in a state of shock.  
  
"Hermione, we need to talk to you," Harry coaxed, trying to reassure her.  
  
"We could have done that a _long_ time ago! But, you didn't believe me then, why should I believe you now?" Hermione spat at them sarcastically, giving a bitter laugh.  
  
"Your not okay," Ron told her calmly.  
  
"Of course I am," a twisted smile crossed her lips, her sarcasm still tainting her words. "I mean, I lost a dreadful amount of blood, I suffered trauma... twice! I even got pushed around by people I thought cared about me! Why would I not be fine?"  
  
"We're sorry," Ginny sighed.  
  
"Those were the exact words of Draco Malfoy. So I assume I should believe it then?" Hermione backed away from them, until she was leaning against the railing of the staircase.  
  
"We didn't mean it," Ron pleaded, taking a small step towards her.  
  
"Of course you did!" Hermione laughed again. A cruel, bitter and cold laugh that seemed to echo repeatedly off the walls. "I am, after all, a stuck up prude. I am the know-it-all who bossed you guys around! Not spending my time on sports instead of school, gods I must be a moron!"  
  
"No your not," Harry said.  
  
"Leave me the hell alone! I am sick of how your, all of a sudden, the caring best friends that stick by me. Who love me for who I am, not what everyone assumes I've done. Just goes to show you how great I am at finding friends!" Hermione pushed them away from her as she headed to her room.  
  
Opening the door, she looked back at them, eyes glistening with forming tears.  
  
"By the way, after my parents died, the only hope I actually had was that you three would bring me back up like you always did. Guess Malfoy got a say in that, eh?" Hermione whispered, before slamming the door shut, and falling onto her bed in a fit of sobs.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Days passed, and still, no one dared to enter her room. Harry, Ron, and Ginny would walk by, glancing at the door in guilt. The other occupants were too frightened by what they would find. The adults had found out about Hermione's old nasty habit, and they would make Remus sniff the air with his werewolf senses to detect blood.  
  
Inside the room was another story, Hermione sat against the wardrobe by the mirror, looking through the letters she had found in the box earlier on.  
  
"Did she ever talk to you?" she asked the mirror.  
  
"No, Bellatrix was too busy reading Dark Arts books to converse with me."  
  
"Hmm," Hermione sighed, ignoring the stiff tone in the mirror's voice.  
  
She began to unconsciously twirl a black strand of hair around her finger, her eyes sweeping over the room.  
  
"That makeup you've been practicing with has really made you look gorgeous!" the mirror gushed, changing the subject once again.  
  
Hermione ignored the mirror once more as she stood up and crossed the room, running her fingers over the walls as if searching for something.  
  
Suddenly, a loud crack sprang in the room, making Hermione jump a few feet from the ground. Turning toward the offending sound, she was immediately greeted by the twins.  
  
"Why am I not surprised?" Hermione asked the heavens.  
  
"I see you've missed us," Fred grinned.  
  
"So, what's it like to live in one room? We want to be able to understand the concept when we move into an apartment," George explained.  
  
"I have developed a phobia for closed spaces," she shrugged.  
  
"A better mood, too," Fred noted with a brisk nod.  
  
"Not to be rude or anything, but why are you in my room?" Hermione inquired.  
  
"Everyone misses you," George stated knowingly.  
  
"Even Snape," Fred added with a disgusted look.  
  
"Really?" Hermione gasped, a little too dramatically.  
  
"How interesting, Fred," George mused.  
  
"Very," Fred nodded.  
  
"As you have seen. I'm not exactly in the mood-"  
  
"Hermione!" George shrieked, in a very femine like tone.  
  
"Whatever gave you the idea that we wanted you, _in the mood_?" Fred looked at her, appalled.  
  
"I give up," Hermione groaned, slumping down onto the floor.  
  
She was, no doubt, cheered up by the twins' logic, but they did tend to annoy her at times.  
"We'll see you at dinner," Fred told her with a pat on the back.  
  
"Dress lovely," George gave a sly wink, before disapparating after his brother.  
  
"Was that your boyfriend?" the mirror asked suspiciously.  
  
Hermione groaned again, being depressed was so much easier.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Hermione, to her own complete and utter surprise, left the room that night, smoothing out the clothes that she had sadistically stolen from Bellatrix. She had to admit that she adored the blood-lustful witch's taste in old-fashioned clothing.  
  
The torch on the wall made her pale skin glow and contrast in comparison to her dark eyes and hair, she paid no attention to the portraits of dark mages that looked at her in "unusual" interest. Letting out a large sigh, Hermione made her way down the stairs, focusing her mind on books, a topic that would probably help her through the night.  
  
Licking her unhealthily dry lips, she entered the originally lively kitchen, to suddenly find it silenced. The lack of sound pained her, because it just made her feel even more out of place, and she didn't want that. Taking a deep breath, Hermione took a seat between Fred and Remus, in the light.  
  
A plate was set before her with shaky hands, and she immediately began to eat, just noticing how empty her stomach was. She received a few stares, as she practically stuffed her self in an un-feminine like way.  
  
Conversations were slowly brought back again, to which Hermione was quite grateful, and no one continued to stare at her. Fred turned to Hermione, nudging her playfully.  
  
"Decided to listen to the twins, eh?" he teased, giving her a wink.  
  
"I suppose so," she couldn't suppress the faint grin that made its way onto her face.  
  
"No one can resist our good looks and charm," Fred smirked, making Hermione laugh in a barely audible chuckle.  
  
"Feeling better?"  
  
"Completely, thanks Fred."  
  
Fred gasped melodramatically. "I am astounded Miss Granger!"  
  
A few people glanced their way, eyebrows raised and curiosity written clearly on their faces. Someone had actually managed to cheer Hermione up. That was obviously a rare feat.  
  
"Astounded by what? The difference between you and your brother is completely evident," Hermione chirped in a playful sarcastic tone, most unlike the one she had used on her (ex) best friends.  
  
Fred smiled and shook his head good naturedly. "You have nothing on me, Granger."  
  
"Try me," Hermione narrowed her eyes in mock determination.  
  
Eyes around the table widened as the neighborhood Gryffindor know-it-all, prude, strict, stiff, depressed, unable to be cheered up, and untrustful Hermione Granger engaged herself in a sword fight (using breadsticks) with our lovable and local prankster, troublemaker, cheerful and outgoing Fred Weasley.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
Draco Malfoy sat on the couch in his own person living room, which was built beside his bedroom, holding a drink that looked suspiciously like liquor. He rolled his head to soothe his stiff neck, groaning in exasperation for the hundredth time.  
  
He did not notice the door open on his right.  
  
Pansy Parkinson, quite a pretty girl depsite her snobbish features with long dark brown hair, hazel eyes and a small petite form, entered the room. She stood in the doorway, hands on her hips, thin lips turned downward in a clear frown. It worried her when Draco was down, which was quite a rarity because he was a spoiled brat.  
  
"Draco, what has possibly made you so depressed?" she inquired, taking a seat beside him and glancing between the drink and him.  
  
"Nothing," he mumbled incoherently, but her, being the friend that she was, clearly understood his words.  
  
"Granger, right? You were obviously mad when we made those comments the other day," Pansy told him.  
  
"So?" Draco bit back irritably, jerking away from the arm set around his shoulders.  
  
"Draco, I know when you like somebody. You liked me during our first four years at Hogwarts," Pansy shrugged.  
  
Draco glared at her.  
  
"Sorry I brought that up," she lifted her hands in defense.  
  
"I don't like her. I obviously helped Potter and Weasley, didn't I?"  
  
"Yes, and then a little emotion called remorse came prancing your way."  
  
"You are _way_ too unusual," Draco muttered, setting the glass down on the table in front of him.  
  
"And I plan to stay that way," she smirked.  
  
"Besides, even if I did like her... which I don't!" Draco added abruptly, causing Pansy's smirk to grow. "She hates me now, I was a complete jerk and asshole."  
  
"You got that right and spot on."  
  
Draco chose to ignore her last comment. "God, did you know she slapped me when I tried to apologize? I hardly ever apologize!"  
  
"Drac-"  
  
"And you should have seen the hurt and loathing in those beautiful brown eyes," Draco began to gush.  
  
"Dra-"  
  
"She hates me so much and I had the daftness to mess up when she actually was okay with me!"  
  
"Oh God," Pansy began to promptly bang her head against the table, trying to block out Draco's new and less improved fluffy personality.  
  
"I mean, I have liked her since the Yule Ball for Merlin's sake!"  
  
"That was pretty obvious," she muttered, rolling her eyes, her companion had surely lost his sanity.  
  
"And then, I went and started a rumor about her sleeping with me and continuing to be cruel when she needed someone most! And then, when she told me her parents were dead, I just _died!_"  
  
"Draco!" Pansy screeched, said boy stopped yammering and turned to her in surprise.  
  
"If you love her so much, why don't you do something instead of blabbering like a Hufflepuff-ish fool?"  
  
Draco looked offended for a few seconds, then his gray eyes lit up with an idea, he leapt out of the room and locked himself in the confines of his bedroom. Pansy sighed, wondering who had possibly corrupted the young man.  
  
[A/N: Finally, the end of the chapter. I wasn't much in a depressed mood when I wrote this, so I hope it amuses you] 


	10. Chapter X

A/N: Okay, I have a major warning! Intense snogging that you may not agree with will be included, but it will still not decide who our lovable Hermione will end up with. So, if you don't mind descriptive snogging and sexy professors then... I suppose you shouldn't worry.  
  
Chapter X  
  
The holidays approached on such a fast degree that Hermione felt like she had fallen asleep and woken up five days later, on Christmas Eve.  
  
The mood of the house was rather spontaneous, Ron, Harry, and Ginny seemed to be a bit more quiet, walking around and giving small pleading looks toward Hermione, silently begging for forgiveness.  
  
Hermione, decked out in a black dress, the chest of it laced up with a thin red rope, and her thin hair flipped out from her face, deep brown eyes outlined with a thick amount of black shadow and eyeliner, practically ran down the stairs, skipping two steps once in a while, feeling the best she had ever felt. Fred (she was able to tell the twins apart after much concentration and mind games) stood at the bottom of the stairs, grinning devilishly, she returned it with a beautiful smile and put an arm over his shoulders.  
  
"Mum's on a murderous rampage, claiming that me and George were supposedly sneaking canary creams into the dough she was mixing," he rolled his eyes playfully.  
  
"What else could be expected of her?" Hermione inquired, a thin, light brown eyebrow raised.  
  
"Hermione!" George greeted, holding a crate under his left arm. There was a 'danger' label on the side.  
  
"George, Fred was just telling me about the incredulous accusation of your mother," Hermione giggled.  
  
"Absolutely heinous is what I call it," George retorted before going upstairs, the crate under his arm shaking slightly.  
  
"So, is there going to be a party tonight?" Hermione asked her closest companion.  
  
"Yup. Tonks, Lupin, Moody, Kingsley, Mundungus, and even Snape will be here," Fred made a face.  
  
"Oh, your just jealous, Fred Weasley," Hermione teased as he lead her down to the kitchen.  
  
"Hardly," Fred snorted, kicking the kitchen door open and allowing Hermione through first.  
  
The kitchen smelled of many different types of food, all delicious and irresistible. Fred pulled out a chair for Hermione, who thanked him and sat down.  
  
Mrs. Weasley, Bill, and Mr. Weasley were the only others in the kitchen. Molly was bustling about the room preparing a variety of food, Bill and his father were both having a conversation about goblins over two steaming cups of coffee.  
  
Hermione began on her food, thin black hair falling occasionally into her face, the grin on her features glowing in brilliance although the room was faintly lit.  
  
VVVVVVVVVV  
  
The originally depressing, sullen, dark house was alive with as much Christmas spirit as Santa's beard, suit, hat, and knickers.  
  
Everyone joined in on the supposedly traditional "last-minute-decoration-of-the-Christmas-tree", while singing some merry Yuletide carols. Nothing could really compare to the way Sirius lit up the house, but no one really wanted to discuss the long gone mischievous and glittering gray eyes or the stupid grin that always seemed to find a way onto his face.  
  
Hermione, herself, had a smile on the whole time, surprising all of the guests (who had witnessed the attack), as she hung out with the twins (another surprise, seeing as everyone had thought she disliked the two pranksters) and danced around to the music that was currently playing out of the Wireless Radio. Everyone had gotten a bit tired after the third Christmas carol.  
  
George came up behind the beauty and tapped her on the shoulder, and with a swish of short and straight thin hair, she faced her newest best friend.  
  
"Time to put the star at the top of the tree," his smile became mischievous.  
  
"George," she warned, as he gave her a delicate glass star, it was so warm but looked as if it was carved from ice.  
  
Before she could continue Fred came up behind her, grabbing the young woman from around the waist and lifted her up, causing a squeak of surprise to pass from her red lips.  
  
(Uh-oh, stupid moment)  
  
Everyone turned from what they were doing and looked up at the angel that seemed to have taken Hermione's place, laughing in Fred's arms as she slowly lifted the star. Her black hair glowed with a faint blue tint, warm brown eyes twinkling with a joy that had replaced hollowness, her long black dress swished lightly around her ankles, as her boot clad feet dangled a foot from the ground.  
  
The smile she wore was so angelic, so beautiful that no one could possibly not just gaze at her.  
  
Molly and Arthur both wore faint smiles, evidently feeling so happy that the girl was finally cured of her horrid depression. Tonks nudged Kingsley, apparently reminding him that it was a special moment with a big grin on her face, although said man was already watching. Ginny leaned her head on Harry's shoulder, both of their eyes still held the remorse that had been there for so long, but smiles could not be suppressed. Moody and Mundungus both seemed pleased by the girl's lightened mood.  
  
George was staring at her, looking quite proud of himself. Remus was gazing at Hermione, an unusual smile gracing his lips, most unlike the family fondness that some of the others had. Snape stood in the shadows, the sneer gone from his features, face just impassive, yet a weird look in his eyes as well.  
  
Fred was looking at Hermione, looking proud of himself as well, but he wore a plainly evident look of fascination. Ron had his arms folded, glaring enviously at his older brother, his mood had apparently been dampened.  
  
(The moment didn't really happen in slow motion, heh, but you just have to know the facial reactions of our comrades)  
  
She placed the star atop the tree, then was set back down on the floor by her friend, unaware of all the stares she was receiving. The music seemed to appear from out of nowhere, everyone had apparently ignored it from the moment Hermione was picked up by Fred.  
  
The girl in question began to dance, pulling Fred with her as she bounced to a fast song that was playing on the radio, no one had really noticed some of the "punch" Hermione had tried (who was unaware of the fact that it was actually wine).  
  
It got late as Hermione continued to dance with Fred, who was growing quite drowsy. Everyone soon drifted off to their beds or apparated from the house.  
  
Hermione walked through the dark and messy living room, tripping occasionally and muttering incoherent words while giggling like a maniac. She let herself fall back onto the couch, her hair becoming a mess, and her dress quite wrinkled. She tried to muffle her laughing, but someone had heard her anyhow. The lights were turned on and a sleep-deprived Remus Lupin stood in the doorway, eyelids heavy and threatening to close.  
  
He looked at the girl that was spread out on the sofa, giggling, and playing with the already immodestly lifted skirt of her dress. Blushing at seeing his ex-student in this state, Remus moved forward, knowing that it would be good to get her back to her room.  
  
Hermione turned toward him, a stupid grin plastered on her pretty face.  
  
"'Ello Professssor," she slurred, her giggles immediately began again.  
  
"I remind you, once again, that I am not your Professor," Remus replied on instinct, although his tone was halfhearted.  
  
"That'sss good, because then we can shag," she broke out into hysterical laughter, apparently amused by her little joke.  
  
"You don't know what your saying Hermione," his voice came out in a grunt, as he tried in vain to lift her from the couch, but she just demolished his efforts.  
  
"Of course I do, Remusss! You are quite an attractive male, and any woman would be lucky to have you," she gave a cheeky grin.  
  
Remus blushed despite his attempts to make his face remain impassive.  
  
"Come along, before you tell me whether your a virgin or not," Remus muttered, before slapping his forehead.  
  
_Great reply, Remus, a person your age should **really** be saying stuff like that to a drunken teenage girl,_ his conscience sarcastically chided.  
  
"Don't worry, sssir! I am as innocent as buttered bread," Hermione boldly announced, her voice quite loud, amused by her own childish remarks.  
  
Remus quickly set a silencing charm on the girl before the whole house woke up.  
  
"What did you drink?"  
  
The question was meant to be an unanswered one, but she just opened her mouth and began on her detailed explanation, seemingly oblivious to the charm placed upon her.  
  
He tried to pull her up, but her head just jerked back toward the couch. He laid her back down and kneeled beside her head, trying to figure out what the problem was. Remus nodded in understanding, a strand of her hair was twisted rather badly around the thin leg of a table that stood right beside the couch. He didn't even want to know how that had happened.  
  
He began his work on the knot, determined to untangle it and get the girl up to bed as soon as possible. Remus gave a whispered "hooray" when he got it undone and sat back down in the position he had earlier.  
  
Hermione was staring at him and immediately captured his amber eyes with her glazed brown eyes. She grinned impishly and moved a lazy hand forward to touch the scar that ran down his left cheek. After tracing it, she sat up on the couch, leaving Remus looking up at her from his seat on the floor. She cupped his cheek, that damned smile still gracing her features. He unknowingly took the spell off of her.  
  
Remus unconsciously shivered, closing his eyes in worry.  
  
"Don't worry, Remusss," Hermione purred, although her speech was still a lazy drawl from all the alcohol in her system.  
  
Before he could even think, he felt two moist lips press against his own. His eyes shot open in surprise, his conscience now on a murderous rampage, much like Molly's.  
  
His hormones and body were in control, waving off his brain as an unnecessary distraction, and he found himself opening his mouth when she flicked her tongue at his upper lip expertly.  
  
Never, _never_, had Remus Lupin ever shared a beyond friendly and sensual kiss. Having spent his life staying away from any relationship with a woman, guilt of his disease always strong on his mind.  
  
Never had he thought that he'd have that first kiss with his ex-student, his best friend's son's best friend, and someone that was currently in a drunken state. Yes, life is full of surprises.  
  
He soon found himself lying on the hard wooden floor, passionately snogging Hermione Granger, her lying on top of him. She was running her finger through his hair as his hands slowly moved to the zipper of her dress that was set conveniently on her back.  
  
He had to stop. This was wrong. _He had to stop!_  
  
Remus broke the kiss immediately, shaking his head and lightly touching his swollen and bruised lips with a shaky finger. Hermione rolled off of him, crawled a few feet away, and promptly threw up. Remus was quite thankful that he had stopped their "little session" at the moment he did.  
  
But what really pissed him off was how his hormones could take control like that. All of this was wrong, it should have never happened. And he should have never taken advantage of her, she was Harry's best friend, dammit.  
  
Remus quickly stood, looking intensely flustered and uncomfortable, not noticing the woman that had just passed out on his left, her final words being, "Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"  
  
He knew Hermione would not remember this by morning, and it was possibly best. This thought wasn't fully helping him because he wasn't really an expert on what happens to those who are drunk.  
  
With a sigh, Remus kneeled down to lift the ruffled and unconscious form, that was Hermione, and took her back to her bedroom. He had a feeling that all this stress could possibly be the cause of his next strand of gray hair.  
  
He delicately laid her on the bed, conjuring a handkerchief and cleaning up the vile around her mouth before tucking her in and leaving the room.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVV  
  
The pain was brilliant.  
  
It seemed to be like a bomb, awaiting until she woke up to finally explode. With a groan, a string of incoherent cursing, and a few tosses of her head, Hermione found herself rolling off the bed.  
  
She landed quite gracelessly on the floor, confused by the state she was in. Her mouth tasted of vomit, and some other taste that she didn't find familiar. Cinnamon mixed with... she stared at the ceiling before her, still lying on the wooden floor... eggnog, yes, cinnamon and eggnog.  
  
Hermione didn't remember having those things, but she shrugged it off anyway, too busy trying to figure out why she was awake in her bed (which she had no knowledge of returning to), why her mouth tasted of vomit, cinnamon, and eggnog, and why she was still wearing her dress.  
  
A wave of pain hit her immediately, as if trying to remind her that she was currently suffering from a fatal headache.  
  
She looked over to the mirror which was tutting at her.  
  
"What?" Hermione groaned, trying to sound indignant but not succeeding because of the hammers hitting her head persistently.  
  
"I suppose you don't remember?" the mirror questioned, sounding (quite frighteningly) like Molly Weasley.  
  
"No, and please stop shouting," Hermione spat back, voice bitter.  
  
"What did you drink last night?" the mirror inquired.  
  
"Some punch," Hermione muttered.  
  
"Where did you get it from?"  
  
"Leave me alone! I only got it from a bottle..."  
  
The silence following afterwards would have been quite comical.  
  
Doe eyes widened considerably, a hand went to her mouth, which was surrounded by quite an amount of smeared lipstick, and a gasp escaped her throat, followed by a grunt as she remembered how much pain she was in.  
  
"What happened? How late did I get to bed?" Hermione questioned, new to the fact that she could hardly remembering anything. Well, she sort of remembered another pair of lips on hers. She touched her mouth absently.  
  
"You didn't go to bed on your own," the mirror chided.  
  
_"I slept with someone?!"_  
  
"No!" the mirror gave a sigh.  
  
"Then... what?"  
  
"One of the Order members... Remus Lupin, yes, that's it!" the mirror seemed to applaud itself. "He came in, carrying you, and placed you in the bed. He really cares for you, you know. And then he cleaned that vile from your mouth and tucked you in."  
  
"Weren't you made to just critique people's clothing," Hermione stood up and headed to her dresser that she had conveniently filled with her "new" clothes.  
  
The mirror gave an incredulous scoff, but did not say anything else.  
  
Hermione's brain was going crazy. Not just with pain, but with thoughts and confusement. She had to remember everything, she just had to. Her eyes lit up when she remembered a spell for hangovers, which she had (of course) memorized, although, at the time, she had labeled it useless.  
  
Hermione prodded her temple with the wand she had picked up from the top of the wardrobe and muttered the incantation. A new wave of relief spread through her body, aching, nausea, and headache completely gone.  
  
Chiding herself as she put on a black V-neck sweater and a knee-length black skirt, Hermione tried to divert her thoughts from those scary words:  
  
What happened last night?  
  
She probably made a fool of herself, probably looked like one of those destructive teens that don't do anything but "party".  
  
Hermione sighed, this was just too much. Everything was like a roller coaster, first she was depressed, then happy, then depressed, then happy, then depressed and scared, then happy.  
  
Gods, why did she have to suffer the usual female hormones and mood swings?  
  
She combed out her hair, then used her wand to straighten it, giving her reflection a half smile. Suddenly the door to the room sprung open and the twins stood before her, fingers pointed at Hermione, shocked looks evident on their freckled faces.  
  
"Why did you do that Hermione?!" Fred gasped.  
  
"That's just sick!" George agreed.  
  
"It was just a bit of wine!" Hermione protested, blushing like crazy.  
  
Fred and George gave her identical looks of confusion.  
  
"We were joking-" George began.  
  
"-But if there's something you would like to tell us, Miss Granger, please don't keep us waiting."  
  
Fred grinned, the action followed immediately by George.  
  
Hermione's blush grew.  
  
"It-it's nothing. Why are you up so early anyway?" she put her hands on her hips.  
  
"Christmas!" George shouted, Hermione was sure that she heard a few colorful words coming from Ginny in a nearby room.  
  
"What?" Hermione was taken aback, her mind had been too focused on the fact of her having kissed someone last night and not remembering who.  
  
"Christmas, now get downstairs and open those damned presents!" Fred commanded, walking toward a protesting Hermione and lifting her up, setting the girl over his shoulder. He winced slightly as her kicking feet made painful contact with his chest.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Fred rolled his eyes, ignoring the indignant orders from Hermione.  
  
An hour later, everyone was in the living room, either sitting on the couch, standing, or were seated by the Christmas tree, opening presents with giddy looks on their faces.  
  
Fred was passing presents to Hermione, giving her a wink once in a while, grinning like a maniac, or telling her little jokes that would make her giggle, muffling her own laughter with her hand. Remus Lupin was the last to enter the room, he looked quite pale and there were bags under his eyes.  
  
Hermione didn't have a chance to glance at him before another present was shoved into her hands.  
  
Harry looked up at Remus, his own eyebrow raised at the man's fragile appearance, something was clearly wrong.  
  
"Remus," Harry called him over, wanting to know what was wrong. He was not going to continue to be the heartless jerk that he had been with Hermione, he already felt terrible about that.  
  
Remus looked at where Harry was seated. The young man had left open a seat right beside the table that stood by the couch's armrest, quite a familiar place for Remus. He bit his lip and slowly shook his head. To say that Remus Lupin was extremely uncomfortable would have been an offending understatement.  
  
Hermione looked up from the present she had opened from Tonks and looked toward him, she wondered what could possibly have brought her ex-professor down like that.  
  
The time passed inconspicuously in her eyes, as she opened presents (very surprisingly) from Harry, Ginny, and Ron and played around with Fred. She laughed hysterically as she put one of the bows in his hair, which he responded with by putting two bows in her hair. It was a fun time for her, but some other thoughts continued to linger on her mind.  
  
A/N: Okay, that was the first time I have EVER written a snogging scene... and that is the first time I have ever written a scene about a hangover. Seeing as I have no experience in neither so some of you may not be _that_ pleased with it, but oh well. Please review. Thanks to those who have reviewed and if your interested in Slytherin fanfictions PLEASE read and review mine. It's sort of depressing that mine has been ignored, especially sense its my favorite and I was so excited when I uploaded it. 


	11. No longer important

**Author's Note:** Okay, maybe I am a bit too lazy... I decide to make an Author's Note that has its own chapter, without having to update the story. I just wanted to reply to some reviews and crap like that. Damn, this is going to be hard, but I shall do the impossible.  
  
**Tega-** Hmm... Not sure if people usually reply to requests for updates.  
  
**Elizabeth-Kat-**Smiles!  
  
**MySweetObsession-** I'm guessing that might be a good review.  
  
**jameslvr-** I am sadly aware of that too... but Harry would believe Ron right? Oh, what the hell... we have to think about the plot here.  
  
**PixieGirl2009-** I am not even sure who Hermione is going to end up with. Which might be a bad thing. But, I do know that I am having some fun with the plot.  
  
**Sarah-** I really loved your criticism, I think it helped me manage to improve the story by making Draco turn back into an ass. Plus, it probably improved the plot.  
  
**Angela-** Thanks, my, oh so, humble reviewer.  
  
**litto-kitty-** Thank you!  
  
**Black Panther Wolf-** Truly, I truly agree with you.  
  
**splitpersonality33-** Thank you, I am having fun writing the story. Does that sound too morbid?  
  
**Pigwidgeon188-** I cried too, I cried too.  
  
**Christmas-Snowflake-** Many thank you's.  
  
**lee74-** Yes, its a bit depressing.  
  
**GEmory-** I enjoy reading your reviews, because I can't help but agree. God, I sound vain. Anyway, this story is a bit crazy, with all the traumatic and weird things that happen. I must admit, I'm not always in the best mood when writing this fic.  
  
**paprika90-** Yes, I actually thought of that while watching some rather violent movies. Anything for the plot!  
  
**PixieGirl2009-** Although I hate cliffhangers as well, I just can't help but be evil... it's intoxicating. As quoted from a fanfiction I am currently reading.  
  
**dragon lover22-** I can wait to see what I manage to think up next. So, I presume that we are in the same boat here.  
  
**ScreaminChild-** So many unanswered questions. I seriously need to think up my plots before writing stories, I'm just going off impulse here.  
  
**nicole-** It feels so good to know that I actually helped someone. I have no experience in this kind of stuff, but when your in depression, you sort of seem to know what's going on for other people.  
  
**GEmory-** Oooh!! Good idea! This story is in definite need of more angst.  
  
**PixieGirl2009-** I agree. Damn people.  
  
**GEmory-** Yeah, I think I will manage to incorporate that into the plot. Your guys' reviews are really helping me develop this story, I enjoy reading your suggestions, because I am being rather random while writing the plot.  
  
**Pigwidegon188-** I bet you were happy when I made Hermione flip Harry, Ginny, and Ron off? Okay, so maybe she didn't do that.  
  
**Rupertlover-** :D  
  
**calmhisteria-** Thank you!  
  
**Black Panther Wolf-** I'm thinking of writing a slash sometime.  
  
**ShE wHo EaTs To MuCh-** Yeah, it is a bit too depressing.  
  
**paprika90-** Then, you probably wouldn't like the tenth chapter. Heh. Ah. My foot's asleep.  
  
**Tega-** Darn those people to heck.  
  
**Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's-** Oh, I love receiving reviews from people who write my favorite stories... Thanks.  
  
**Sarah-** I didn't mind your review. I always love receiving criticism and suggestions.  
  
**nicole-** You really know how to give compliments. Now, I think I might have seriously become self-obsessed.  
  
**GEmory-** A little confusing, but helpful too.  
  
**dragon lover22-** Thank you, I tend to smile really stupidly when reading reviews, and I think this grin beats 'em all.  
  
**Ayamme13-** Depressing, isn't it?  
  
**PixieGirl20090-** I bet you have this planned out in case your friends betray you, eh?  
  
**cajunspeed14-** I can't even counts the amount of thanks I've given in response to your guys' compliments.  
  
**Nicole-** Thank you!!! Oh my gosh, I have a fan now.  
  
**calmhisteria-** I proclaim "THBL", my official depressing and crazy story.  
  
**calmhisteria-** I think I just have to wait until I am depressed or feeling evil again, that usually helps.  
  
**ScreaminChild-** I loved the smack, too.  
  
**paprika90-** Smiles again!  
  
**cajunspeed14-** I'll try. And plus, this may be the first story I have ever completed. All my other stories are umm... uncompleted.  
  
**PixieGirl2009-** Okay, this will definitely sound morbid, but I'm having fun while writing this. I think up the worst possible thing that could hurt Hermione, and then cheer her up again. But I don't want to traumatize her too much or the plot won't work.  
  
**Nicole-** Thanks, I read it, and it definitely helped.  
  
**Ebony-** Oh don't worry, she will... muahahahahaha!  
  
**Rahne Dechenes-** :D  
  
**Rhama-** I know! Isn't it just kick-ass?  
  
**calmhisteria-** I apologize for the wait I put all of you through, I hate waiting for stories to update as well. Because you never know.  
  
**ScreaminChild-** Yes, quite.  
  
**paprika90-** I was in an awfully good mood when writing it. Well, not exactly the first part.  
  
**Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's-** Pansy is one of my absolute favorite character. So lately, its been hard for me to read some Draco/Hermione fics.  
  
**Pigwidgeon188-** Yeah, let's just hope Draco hasn't completely lost his sanity.  
  
**cajunspeed14-** I'm not sure... I love Fred, but I also love Draco, Remus, and Snape. Can I get back to you on that?  
  
**PINK-CORSIAR-** I read your fanfictions and I presumed you would be more intelligent than that. This fanfiction is crazy. Okay, that's one word for it. It is Hermione's own little series of unfortunate events, where I find the worst thing that could happen to her (but not too bad, remember, it has to agree with the plot) and then I just spring it into the story. Yes, I agree, it is extremely far-fetched, but that's why it is so fun for me to write. I am a morbid and occasionally depressed person, I practically do stuff like this for a living. I'm guessing that last sentence didn't even make sense... But I'm glad that your not afraid to throw a good flame, because it disturbs me that most people are.  
  
**Final Author's Note-** Okay, I am now very afraid to use the spell checker... You should all know why. 


	12. Chapter XI

A/N: Sorry about the major wait, if you read Serpents and Muggle-Borns, you would know that my computer deleted all my stories and I had to start all over on this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews!!!!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Chapter XI

They headed out of the house, Harry being the last to leave as he gave his regards toward Grimmauld Place (by nodding), almost as if he was saying goodbye to Sirius once again.

Hermione watched her former friend for only a minute before she turned away and climbed onto the Knight Bus after Tonks. They all assembled into their seats, Hermione was sent up to the top to sit with Moody, Remus, Fred, George, and Ginny. While the others sat at the bottom.

Ginny stared at Hermione as the young woman approached the nearest chair and seated herself. There was still a twinge of happiness left from the holidays for Hermione, yet there was that feeling of sadness as her return to Hogwarts approached.

Fred sat beside her and rested his arms around her shoulders playfully, yet almost possessively. She managed a weak grin his way before focusing her dull eyes on the window that had rain already beating down on it. Some drops catching onto the glass and rolling down like tears.

"If you have any troubles, 'Mione, you can always owl George and I and we'll send them some irreversible canary creams," Fred suggested, smiling.

"Thanks," Hermione retorted, lowering her head so that her onyx hair covered her face.

They both grew silent as Ernie got ready to put the bus into drive. Suddenly, the seats were flying everywhere as the bus passed through twists and turns, flying over speedbumps and such.

"Remind me, Alastor," Remus shouted over the cries of surprise, "as to why we had to take the Knight Bus?"

"Don't know, really," Moody replied, looking thoughtful.

As the bus made another jump in the air, Hermione yelped and immediately covered her mouth in embarassment. Fred laughed and pulled her closer to him.

Both Ginny and George watched this from the back of the bus, both clutching onto the rail bars, as they raised inquisitive eyebrows.

Suddenly the bus stop, throwing the seats forward and back into their proper positions. The six dazedly stood up, hands reaching out for some kind of support as they exited the bus.

The others were already standing out in the rain, some looking nauseous, and others looking quite happy for reasons Hermione was unable to explain.

"Okay, let's all get on the platform," Molly shouted over the thunder. _ "Quickly!"_

They all ran down through the station, grouping together, and pulling their coats closer around themselves. Hermione's cropped ebony hair clung to her pale face as she waited for each person to enter the platform.

"Your trunk, Hermione."

Hermione turned around and smiled at Remus, who still looked incredibly uncomfortable. She took the handle and gave him a quick hug of goodbye, then followed that by embracing Molly, then Arthur, and managing to get through practically all the adults as she savoured each warm paternal hug she received. Fred was the last person waiting, and she gave him the longest embrace she could muster, barely noticing the inconspicuous kiss he placed on her cheek.

With a sorrowful wave, Hermione ran through the brick wall.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"Who is that?"

"She looks a tad familiar."

"No she doesn't."

Voices followed Hermione. Yet she continued searching for a compartment, eyes narrowed determinedly as she ignored the whispers.

"Hermione."

She turned around to find that Ginny was standing behind her, a frown clear on the girl's face.

"Do you want to sit with us? You don't have to-"

"I'm sorry, Ginny, but not now," Hermione replied with downcast eyes.

"Alright," Ginny nodded and walked away, leaving Hermione to think by herself.

With a sigh, Hermione threw open the door to the nearest empty compartment and seated herself solemnly, closing the curtains on the door window as she did so.

The ride was quiet, due to the silencing charm she had placed on her compartment, and she spent most of the time either reading her napping.

Toward the end of the ride, there was a knock on her compartment door.

Without any response, the door slid open to reveal Draco Malfoy, looking around her compartment with a frown.

His eyes slowly lowered upon her sleeping figure and he bit him bottom lip. He wasn't entirely sure if it was Hermione, yet he managed to recognize her open brown eyes.

Wait.

"What are you doing here, Malfoy?" she asked, sitting up.

"Nothing," he answered pathetically backing out of her compartment.

"Are you afraid of me?" she inquired, getting out of her seat and facing him, thin straight black her falling in her eyes.

"What happened to you?" he uttered, staring at her hair and the makeup she wore. "Gothic, eh?"

"If I were gothic I would be wearing spikes around my neck and other such stereotypes that I obviously don't fill. Is that all you wished to say to me?"

"No, it's not," Malfoy replied, attempting to straighten his posture as he spoke.

"Then what?"

"I'm extremely sorry for what I did to you, I was a complete arsehole and I deserved that bloody good slap you delivered to me. But I really care about you..."

Hermione stared at him as he trailed off, then, slowly, a scowl began to appear on her face.

"Guilt's annoying, isn't it?" she asked, sardonically.

"It's not just guilt, Hermione!" Draco exclaimed, then sighed. "I think I love you."

"What?" Hermione backed away from him, eyes narrowed in suspicion and anger.

"I think I have fallen in love with you... well, I had always been in-"

Before he could finish, a completely angry Hermione pushed past him and stormed into the corridor of the train, attracting stares as she pushed past people and soon found herself in a completely empty compartment in the back.

She growled under her breath, sneered, and threw herself down onto the seat, using her wand to slam the door shut, and then to repare the glass that she had unintentionally broken.

She was incredibly enraged, mad that Malfoy had ruined the peace she had formerly been in, and had then chose that moment to declare his undying devotion to her. Were these people bloody insane?

Honestly, if someone had told her last year that this was all going to occur, she would have laughed and not believed it, returning to her books as usual. But no matter what she did now, she was not the old Hermione Granger. And she had **liked** the old Hermione Granger, too.

What could she possibly do? She felt too paranoid and frightened to trust anyone that could be counted as a friend except for the Order members, but they didn't visit Hogwarts (and it would have been amusing to watch Fred and George threaten people in her defense)...

Hermione sighed and leaned her head against the window. It was all just a series of unfortunate events for her. She was surprised that she hadn't even been sent to a mental institution, but apparently she was too strong for that.

"Damn," she cursed at her own notion and gave the seat across from her a good kick.

Suddenly, her thoughts drifted to that very morning, remembering when that bloody mirror had told her that she had been drunk the night before and that Lupin had carried her in.

Her eyes widened. According to what she had read, she should have remembered at least tidbits of what had happened that night... But it was all still fuzzy to her disappointment.

With no other way to occupy herself, Hermione ran over her memories of that last night in Grimmauld Place, remembering that she had filled herself up with loads of punch (which she later presumed to have been filled with alcohol) and then when she had passed out...

That was all she could remember. Her thoughts flashed everywhere trying to figure things out, no one had treated her differently so she couldn't have made that a big a fool of herself.

_ What about Lupin? He seemed a bit uncomfortable this morning,_ a demonic type voice hissed into her ear, but Hermione shook her head.

"He was in Sirius' old house, of course he would be uneasy,"

Hermione told herself, not even paying attention to the fact that she sounded like a complete mental case.

_He was only easeless this morning, do you not remember **everything**_ _that had occurred last night?_

Hermione bit her bottom lip, this was it. She was such a moron! She had done something to that poor old man!

'He's not old,' she chided herself quickly.

Closing her eyes, Hermione ran over all the spells she knew that could help her. Then, when she had finally recovered it in the deep recesses of her mind, she cast the spell with much hesitation and waited numbly as the memories flowed back to her.

She gasped, choked, and leaned forward, clutching the pane of the window as she discovered just what she had been up to last night.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

A/N: Yes, it was short, but blame my writer's block. You all better be pleased.


	13. Chapter XII

A/N: Alrighty, in response to the _lovely_ feedback, here is another chapter, and I hope it is decent. :(

Disclaimer: Not mine. Get it?

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Chapter XII

Hermione shut her eyes tightly, breathing heavily at the impact of the memories. She sighed and rested her head on the practically frozen glass of the window of the train, eyes flitting from the seats in her compartment, to the castle they approached.

Her lacks of morals seemed to have sent her conscience on a horrible tirade as she clambered off the train and suddenly felt dazed and confused. Her sympathies mostly went out to Remus, not herself, and she felt completely horrid for the guiltiness that most likely had come over the werewolf.

She ran a hand through her crisp and onyx layers of hair and stole away into the nearest carriage, making sure to glare at any passerby's in case they got any ideas, she needed to be alone and especially needed to think. Fortunately, not that many students had gone away for the holidays and she was left alone. The ride was bumpy and soundly, yet she ignored it as she felt those damned tears roll down her cheeks. Regret was harsh with her, and had always been. When she had sent Snape flying into a wall in her third year she had felt like a complete monster.

It was natural for Hermione Granger to feel bad for others before herself (which she doubted had continued this year, with all her moping and weeping) and she just wanted to scratch out the eyes of anyone who came near her. The frustration was certainly on a high level.

This was all too confusing, but hadn't she just thought on the train about her surreal her life was now? She was supposed to be reading, criticized jokingly by her friends, and figuring out ways to get Malfoy expelled. A game she had joined Harry and Ron with in her sixth year after said man had gotten even more slimy than before.

The ride ended and she entered the castle, not sparing any glances toward those who greeted their friends with gifts and hugs, and climbed up the steps to her own personal common room.

"You're a horrid person, Hermione Granger," she muttered as she casually approached the entrance to her personal quarters and whispered the password.

Everything was just as it was when she had left, but now she was all strung up again. It was like this school decided that "pained" was going to be her permanent emotion when in attendance.

She plopped onto the couch and longed for one of those cigarettes that Audrey Hepburn always had available in _Breakfast At Tiffany's,_ a muggle movie favorite of hers. She didn't agree with smoking, and knew the relaxed look on a person's face when smoking was only due to the addiction, but it was the old cliché use of them that piqued her interest.

Instead, she _accio_-ed a book over to where she sat and skimmed through the pages, listening to the flapping of papers as they smacked against each other in the almost silent common room, save for the crackling fire in the hearth nearby.

Her hair fell into her eyes as she looked down at the yellow parchment that made up the textbook. It was old. With an exasperated sigh, she tucked the strands behind her ears and continued.

There was a knock at the entrance of her quarters and she looked up, dearly hoping it wasn't a couple who longed for privacy. She slowly stepped over, and pulled the door open, finding herself staring into the violet eyes of Professor Von, who looked a bit curious.

"Miss Granger," he grunted with his thick accent and low voice.

"Professor," she retorted, surprised that he knew where her rooms were, "how can I help you?"

"I was wondering if I could get some help," with those words, a small smile formed on his thin lips.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Hermione had never been so thankful for so long as she sat in Professor Von's office, looking through the many incompetent (and a few decent) essays by the first years. The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher sat across from her, reading over the essays from the fourth years.

"Thank you," Hermione spoke up again as she put a scroll of parchment aside and grabbed another.

"No problem, Miss Granger. Albus informed me of your love for knowledge, and while this is not very enlightening, Albus said you would find it quite entertaining," Professor Von stated.

"Professor Dumbledore _is_ eery at times," Hermione joked, as she wrote a comment on the paper with her purple ink.

"Indeed," Von agreed and looked toward her work with a raised eyebrow. "You would make a decent professor, Miss Granger. No, cut that, better than competent teacher."

"Thanks."

Without warning, the door of the office burst open, and a swirl of robes was all Hermione could see at first before Snape's face came into view. His look was impassive, so Hermione felt a tad confused as to why he was there, and saw that he didn't even see her as he made his way over to Von.

"Severus," the slightly older professor greeted with a smile.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" he growled in reply.

His expression surprised Hermione; he looked shocked, furious, curious, and intimidating all at the same time. These expressions were not very familiar to the young woman on said man's face and she was certainly not very able to speak.

Von's face went serious and he sighed, massaging his forehead. "I made a promise, I was sworn to secrecy. You were not supposed to learn of it."

Hermione just stared at the two, half-wanting to leave the room and half-longing to stay and find out what the hell was going on.

Snape advanced on the very slightly shorter man and grabbed him by the scruff of his robes, but before he could do anything more Hermione cleared her throat, turning slightly in her seat, adjusting her skirt that was annoyingly riding up her thighs so they were back below her knees and staring up at Snape determinedly.

His eyes widened slightly at who had been witnessing the events that had occurred and sighed with exasperation.

"Miss Granger, may I ask why you are in Larten's office?" he glanced around, and the tone of his voice awoke Hermione as to what he was insinuating.

"Professor, I would never! Honestly, I was helping him grade essays and relieving stress," she said, then covered her mouth at the way her words sounded.

Von chuckled and walked back to his desk, shaking his head. "Severus, unlike some, I do not sleep with my students. I am happily married, as you know."

Snape glanced between the two with raised eyebrows before rolling his eyes and sighing. "I, ahem, _apologize_ for my assumptions, but I have witnessed many things before that could speak differently."

At those words he looked at Hermione with a piercing stare, unlike the way he used to look at her during the holidays and while she had been spending time in the Hospital Wing, a stare that no longer said he tolerated her bookwormish attitude.

Understanding dawned on Hermione and she gasped quite loudly and dramatically. _He had seen!_

She covered her eyes and look through her fingers as Snape sent a nod toward Von before exiting the room without getting his "billowing black robes" caught in the door, like she had always hoped to witness. He was so melodramatic.

"I am sorry, Professor, but I need to think a few things over."

"Now, Miss Granger, I am sure Severus meant no harm."

"It's not that, he was right about some things that I truly regret," Hermione sighed, grabbing her book bag and sweeping out of the classroom, tears forming in her eyes.

It was not Snape's fault, he had just made her discover her mistake, and he had the right to.

She went from a fast walk to a run as she made her way through the castle, passing by curious peers and a confused Draco Malfoy.

She stammered the password and stumbled into her room, slamming the door shut behind her, leaning her back against the cold wood and letting herself slide down to the floor.

Too many mistakes had been made and she wanted it all to end, soon, very soon. Her whimpers turned into sobs and she slammed her fist against the door.

"Where the hell has reality gone?" she asked no one in particular as she clutched at her hair.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

After the tears had dried, the sobs had become mute, and the frustration replaced by an impassive feeling that added weight to the nausea in Hermione's stomach, she found herself heading into the Great Hall for dinner.

A place had seemed to be saved for her at the end of the Gryffindor table, in the shadows, and she did not hesitate to claim it when entering. She began feasting on a roll, ignoring the stares she attracted, either due to her new hair or her unemotional attitude.

She glanced up and found her eyes connecting to those of the Potions Master, but he just looked away, as if he shunned her for having gotten drunk and kissing a former colleague of his. But why would he be so pissed? The Snape she knew would be rubbing it in her face (probably) and threatening to use that information as a form of blackmail, which sounded rather ingenious in her opinion...

Hermione felt sick and pushed the third piece of bread she had had away. She set her chin on the propped and pale hand of hers and gazed around the room, her eyes pausing on gray orbs that seemed to be directed her way.

Malfoy peered at her for quite a while, and she returned it with a curious stare. His eyes never diverted and she felt a bit uneasy. She sighed, and stood up, exiting the Great Hall.

She sat down on the steps of the Entrance Hall, knowing he'd follow, and she was correct. He stepped into the tall room and glanced toward her, frowning.

"Hermione," he said, moving towards her cautiously, it seemed he had learned of what happened to those who approached said girl too quickly.

"Yes," she replied with a soft voice as she stared in another direction.

"I ask you to believe me for just this once, then," with this he sighed and paused, "I'll leave you alone for good."

Hermione looked up at him with curiosity.

He took a deep breath and sat beside her, an expression on his face that said he knew that he was risking his pride.

"You know, I am not a man of apologies. I am too caught up in myself and Father to know of how others feel. But you should understand, I have grown fond of you over these past years, as I treated you horribly at the same time," he closed his eyes for a moment. "I am definitely not a decent person. I am an arsehole, actually. A snob, a fool, a man who was so willing to join the Death Eaters, an idiot..."

Hermione didn't give her retort, she just stared at him as if he had two heads.

"I don't know, Malfoy," she whispered, lowering her eyes. "Gods, this all seems so surreal. All this, and I am being so bloody self-centered throughout it all. I don't even know how I can forgive my former best friends."

She looked up at him through the thin strands of her dark hair and watched as he bit his bottom lip.

"I really like you," he sighed, lifting himself from the step and Hermione watched him with a forced look of stoicalness.

She sighed and put her head in her hands, and he stopped mid step on his way to the Great Hall.

"I am an absolute bitch," she muttered, kicking the stone wall next to her.

"What?"

She ignored him, thoughts going on a rampage. She had snogged her former professor, brushed away a boy who clearly liked her, and acted like a complete flirt with Fred. This was all like some horrible nightmare, and she dearly wished it would all end soon.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

A/N: Aww, the pains of Hermione increase, shall she be healed or hurt more? Think _cliché_ everyone. Review!


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